Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Size does matter-just ask Pluto.
If you don`t give a f*ck then why you telling everybody?
Remember, condoms prevent minivans.
The best part about living by myself is not having to explain a lot of things......a LOT of things.
Falling in love is just like falling down a well, except one is dank, dark and scary, and can really hurt you, and the other is a well.
Saying you like one political party over another, is like saying one filthy whore is prettier than the other filthy whore.
I still dunno why they say cats have 9 lives. My cat only eats & sleeps all day long. It has no life at all!
Since it started raining all my wife has done is look through the stupid window... If it gets any worse, I`ll have to let her in.
I`m afraid of a world run by adults who were never spanked as kids and got trophies just for participating.
The Theory of Relativity: Time moves more slowly when you are with your relatives.
Most difficult job ever.......Working in a bubble wrap factory......Imagine the self control needed.
Letting my dad play Angry Birds on my iPad is like showing a caveman fire.
I want to live in a world where it’s never too late for breakfast food and never too early for pizza.
Sometimes I do totally awesome and amazing things just to throw people off.
The problem with reality is that there’s no background music, so you never really know whether something mysterious, evil or adventurous is about to happen.