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I have short term memory. I also like to fish. Also, I have short term memory.
Just put my money where my mouth is. Pennies taste disgusting.
I`m glad I`m me, I don`t think anybody else could take it.
There are 3 reasons for ”Liking” someone’s Facebook status: 1. I agree. 2. I realise this is about me, so I’m liking it to rub it in your face. 3. I want to bang you.
When I was your age, we had to walk ten miles in the snow to get drunk and have s€x.
Every once in a while someone really special walks into your life. That person is usually delivering a pizza
Multitasking? I’m not even good at unitasking.
Sometimes I have to tell myself, "It`s not worth the jail time!"
I`m a crabby a$$ bitch before my coffee ... and after
Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I`d like to read a medication bottle that says, "May cause extreme sexiness".
I enjoy a bit of unnecessary swearing as much as the next f*cker.
Time to get Star Spangled hammered. Happy 4th you crazy Americans.
Depending on how you look at it, half of 8 could be 4, 3, or 0.
Putting your finger on someone`s lips and saying "Shhhh... Not another word" is super-romantic. But the cops didn`t think so.
Women my age expect a man to have his sh!t together by now. Time to start dating younger women.