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I bet Waldo`s parents are worried sick.
Apparently the drunk guy at the urinal next to me is under the impression that I was stung in the leg by a jellyfish.
I used to have a tremendous sex drive. My girlfriend lived 150 miles away
Fun Fact: Even though they call it a "man hole", you can shove women and children down it just fine.
I give myself the best presents.
If you want your team to win a sporting event just tell me. I will root for the other team. That will guarantee a win for your team.
A man asks a trainer in the gym: "I want 2 impress that beautiful girl , which machine can I use?" Trainer replies: "Use the ATM"
OMG! I went shopping because I needed a skirt and these earings were on special so I bought four new pairs of shoes!
My key to happiness is probably lost somewhere in the junk drawer.
You laugh because you think it’s a joke. I laugh because you think I’m joking.
I see you posted a photograph of snow with the caption "it`s cold" could you tell me more about that
Nintendo should handle education, I don’t remember half the crap from high school but I know all of Super Mario World’s secrets.
Only you can prevent bathroom mirror pictures.
I hate it when people upload song lyrics as their status`s it reminds me of somebody i used to know
You know you`ve reached adulthood when your bed is in the middle of the wall instead of in the corner.