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The first order of business for the 115th Congress: blaming everything on the 114th Congress.
Sex with human, ok. Sex with cow, not ok. Grabbing cow titty, ok. Grabbing Karen in accounting`s titty, not ok. Apparently.
Just when you think you have the answer a woman will be there to change the question.
Facebook prank #23 Go in everynight and change your birthday to the next day...then see how long it takes for people to catch on....
Alcohol is like laxatives for constipated thoughts. The more you drink, the more sh!t that comes out your mouth.
you have lips ā¦.. i have lips ā¦ā¦ interesting
Maybe, just once, someone will call me "Sir" without adding, "You`re making a scene."
I`m sexy and I know it really is....... your slutty and you blow it.
I don`t run away from my problems. That`s immature. I ignore them.
I don`t care how old I am, if I go out to eat and there are crayons and paper placemats with puzzles... game on!
You know you are meant to be when you high five after sex.
My kid go from "omg...you`re impossible I can`t wait until I`m 18!" To "You`re the best mom ever" in a matter of $100
When ever I think about the past...It brings back so many memories
Iām over the 30-day ab challenge ... Is there a 30-day nap challenge I can take on?
Make yourself at home. Clean my kitchen