Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I feel bad for lions at zoos. How would you feel if a bunch of pizzas came to your house, took your picture, and you couldn`t even eat them.
A person who says they will never lie to you is probably lying already.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but my boss just gets mad when I don`t come to work
This Crazy Weather Makes Me Want To Masturbate Furiously!!!
Sorry, I can`t hangout. My uncle`s cousin`s sister in law`s best friend`s insurance agent`s roommate`s pet goldfish drowned. It was tragic.
If a woman asks if you "notice anything new" tell her "I do, your beauty surprises me every day." Then continue thinking about velociraptors
Next time one of your friends leave their Facebook open, randomly pick one of their friends and like all 973 of their photos.
Called AA by mistake. Those drunks can`t change a tire for sh*t.
I put the "fun" in "functioning alcoholic"
My love is like a candle, If you forget about me, I`ll burn your frikin house down!
I`ll go to great lengths to scavenge other devices for batteries, before I will go out to buy new ones
I just saved a lot of money in child support by switching to condoms!
Sure thing.... follow me... I`ll show you the fastest way to get to nowhere.
Imagine if someone`s name was Gurt. You`d be all "yo gurt!" .. funny? no? Ok (._.)
Kinda funny how the Mayans said we were all gonna die in 2012, but they all disappeared way before us.