Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Don`t judge if you don`t know me. Unless you`re my bartender & you say "This guy looks like he needs another double vodka martini" then please do..
I told my psychiatrist that I`ve been hearing voices. He told me that I don`t have a psychiatrist.
A dog running a hundred miles to retrieve a stick? That`s pretty far-fetched.
Forgot to make resolutions? Just write out everything you did New Years Eve and at the beginning add the word "stop."
The only Plato I care about is a big Plato spaghetti
It`s ok computer, I go to sleep after 20 minutes of inactivity too.
I`m not crazy I`m just special! No wait maybe I am crazy.. One second, I have to talk to myself about this hold on...
I read an article the other day that said, "if you drink every day you are an alcoholic." Thank god I only drink at night.
You`re exceeding the limits of my medication. Please go away.
im so hungry, im farting fresh air
No, no, no, you don`t have to engage in a long explanation of why you`re single. We`ve spent five minutes together, I think I`ve got it.
why do i feel like you are reading this
I still like going into Burger King and ordering a McWhopper and a McFry.
I hate when people passive-aggressively post vague, indirect statuses. You know who you are...
I only say "bless you" twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume it didn`t take and you`re a demon who must be destroyed.