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I`m boycotting Kix cereal because of all that kid testing.
Welcome to my Facebook wall. Straight jackets are on your left, meds are on the table, and if you hurry, you can still get a seat in group therapy . . . have fun!
Boy it`s nice out today... or at least that`s what it says on my computer.
Weird is just a side effect of being awesome.
A slug is just a divorced snail.
He won`t let me complain to the neighbors, so I renamed the WiFi to `SHUT YOUR DOG UP, D!CKS`
I honestly don’t care if you think I’m crazy. You’re just a figment of my imagination anyway.
“People will believe anything if you whisper it.”
For those of you who know nothing about pleasing a woman... the G spot is located at the end of the word "shopping".....js
At the urinal, please keep your eyes forward and your conversations limited to weather, sports or beer.
About to check Facebook? Let me save you some time. One of your friends has updated their cover photo to a picture of the beach.
I`ve spent three hours investigating this chicken and I still can`t find his nuggets.
You can only push me so far before I breakdance.
My body needs a refresh button.
Ever noticed that `beer can` in a british accent sounds exactly like `bacon` in a jamaican accent?