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Imagine how frustrating it would be if Tic-Tacs were individually wrapped
They updated the Raggedy Ann doll to Swaggedy Ann. She comes with an iPhone, divorced parents, and 3 pairs of heelys.
I`ll never understand why single women waste so much time on dating websites when there are so many eligible bachelors right here in this adult bookstore.
I recently took up meditation. It beats sitting around doing nothing.
My parents say its their house, but when its time to clean it magically becomes my house too.
My neighbor thinks I`m crazy and that I`ve been stalking her. well at least that`s what her diary says.
My arm fell asleep, which is understandable, considering how boring the rest of my body has been.
Have you ever stopped to think, and forgot to start again?
What do crickets hear when they have an awkward silence?
You know you`re a bad driver when Siri tells you "after 400 feet stop and let me out"
My girlfriend told me I`m starting to annoy her because I relate everything to batman... What a joker!
I`m so old I remember when water was free and you had to pay for porn.
B!tch, please! You`re so fake, even barbie is jealous of you
I Just bought a Ken doll. I don`t know what everyone`s talking about, you can`t read books on this thing
Men at 25 play football. Men at 40 play tennis. Men at 60 play golf. Have you noticed that as you get older your balls get smaller?