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Sorry for accidentally karate kicking you. Sorry for high-fiving everyone who saw it.
The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven`t seen for half an hour.
Anything is possible with the right attitude and a sledgehammer
I`d like to have a child one day...Two days, tops.
Someone once said, “Find a job you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” So, I’m pleased to announce the grand opening of my titty squeezing business!!
Speed bumps can turn into speed ramps depending on who`s car I`m borrowing.
I`m not saying you`re an idiot. I`m just saying that....Umm how do I word this?? I guess I am saying your`e an idiot.
I don`t take steroids because I never want to look like I`m capable of helping my friends move.
F is for friends who do stuff without you.
Your secrets are safe with me because I zone out everytime you speak.
It’s always a special moment when you finally get to hear those three words you’ve been waiting for……. “Your order’s ready.”
I try to always be the bigger person by hanging out with a lot of short people.
Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.
Hey you! Yea you ... Don`t just pass by my status and not say hi.
"I can`t wait for New Years to be over!" -my liver