Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Strange new trend at the office. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Kevin.
WARNING:: going to bed on Sunday will cause Monday.
Top uses for Golf Balls: 1. Describing hail storms 2. Describing tumors 3. Playing golf
Stop dwelling on the past and start f*cking up the future.
Do you know who invented the Knock Knock joke? I don`t know either, but whoever did should get a no bell prize.
If I had a nickel for everytime I told myself I`d quit smoking, I could buy a lot more cigarettes
I’d like to see the dollar store get a liquor license.
Not doing anything with my life is surprisingly time consuming.
Everything is a boomerang if you throw it upwards.
I don’t just sing in the shower... I perform.
If there is a wrong place and a wrong time, I’ll be there.
What scares me most is that some people think I actually know what I’m doing.
When you`re a kid, dick jokes are considered adult content, but when you`re an adult, they`re considered immature.
I`m in no shape to exercise patience!
Fact: You wish Facebook had the middle finger button.