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Alcoholic? No. Self-appointed booze quality control technician? Yes.
I`d rather be in a relationship where no one wears the pants.
It`s never your successful friends posting the inspirational quotes.
Why would I buy a pumpkin at the store for $5 when I can drive 30 miles and pay to walk through a field to pick our own for $27.
You’d think with as much time women spend looking at their ass in the mirror, they would be able to reverse into a parking spot.
So when is this `old enough to know better` suppose to kick in ?
It must be really hard to judge wet t-shirt contests. I saw one recently, and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
Sometimes bigger is just heavier
HR have advised that I’m not allowed to ask my chubby co-workers if they ate my missing stapler.
Sorry I can`t make it to your party tonight- I have to get up REALLY early tomorrow afternoon.
How old do I have to be when I can start pulling in front of cars without looking?
If the liquor store didn`t want me to drink all their alcohol than they never should have put a help wanted sign in the window.
When you introduce clapping to your dancing you might probably be too old to be in a night club at 1am.
The fastest way to being happy is to make other people happy. You go first.
Ever wonder if we`re just a reality TV show for a more intelligent species?