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I can`t wait for the day when my kids are old enough that I can drink with them and not because of them.
What I do when I black out is none of my business.
Guy on plane : So, where are you going to? Me : I`m guessing it`s the same place you`re going.
I don’t trust joggers, it’s a little too convenient that they are always the ones to discover dead bodies.
So far my bracket is perfect! I can`t wait to fill the rest of it in.
Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the “M” is silent.
am updating my status just to let you know my status has no status
"I want to marry a smart, rich, and beautiful woman. But I don`t feel like getting married 3 times." - Hesam Ebrahim
I don`t have any skeletons in my closet because I bury my victims in the backyard!
I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with hope that it might magically solve her problems.
Women fall in love by what they hear. Men fall in love by what they see. That’s why most women wear makeup and most men lie.
Wesley Snipes was released from prison this week. Now he can finally begin filming "Blade 4: Twilight."
Besides being curled up on the bathroom floor convinced I was dying from liver failure for a few hours, last night was fun.
I danced like no one was watching but someone was watching, thought I was having a seizure and called an ambulance
Mosquito`s and parking inspectors must be from the same family...