Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My kids think I`m uncool like I thought my parents where. Time to get even! ;)
People who try to test my patience don`t realize it`s an exam I don`t plan on passing
I`m constantly bombarded with requests to check out `Candy Crush`… well I`ve spent hours searching the porn networks… I can`t bloody find her!
That awkward moment when both your knees are bruised, but all you did was gardening
I have every episode of Hoarders saved on DVD.
I like to log into facebook and leave a status just to show I`m here. Or am I?
They might as well put "Uhhh..." in front of every item on drive-thru menus.
You can`t always control who walks in to your life but you can control which window to throw them out.
Whoever snuck the s in “fast food” is a clever person.
Why isn`t there a roomba that cuts grass? Probably some stupid law about sending a blade wielding robot out into the neighborhood.
Really don`t see the need for pants for the rest of this day. :)
"Spring Ahead" this weekend for Daylight Saving Time proves there is a much quicker way than Facebook to lose an hour in your life....
With my eyes. That`s how I roll.
It is impossible to look cool while holding onto a leash attached to a dog who is taking a crap.
The wifes exhausted as she`s had some hot steamy action lately, But at least the ironing basket is empty