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I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
BREAKING NEWS: New $100 bills start circulating yesterday. I wish this affected my life in any way.
String cheese is the sexiest of the cheeses. It’s like you get to undress it.
My GPS is basically just one more woman in my life who I turn on and then ignore.
If no one from the future comes back to stop you, is it really that bad of an idea?
You`ve got to love yourself. But not in public places.
If you`re having second thoughts, you`re 2 ahead of most people.
? Taken ? Single ? So sexy that they’re all scared to go out with me.
Here’s a little bit of advice for you.. advi
Happy St. Patrick`s Day! I was going to drink anyway!
When are they going to drug test the audience of "The Price Is Right."? No one is that happy
That sound the Ketch-up make when you squeeze out the last drop, NEVER fails in making people laugh
Sometimes I feel like a semicolon. I don`t know where I belong.
Can you LIKE this status with your elbow? (no cheating)
Shoplifting may be wrong in a general sense, but what if, for example, I`m bored of paying for things