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People who don`t know what they want should not use the drive thru!
I have found that the best work from home occupation is a bartender
It`s not illegal to get in a taxi and scream until you`ve reached your destination.
I`m selling my browser history on eBay before the government does.
If you hear a roommate having loud sex, a cool thing to do is kick down the door and shout "player 3 has entered the game!"
Asking a guy, "Are you done with that?" & pointing to his girlfriend, is frowned upon. Apparently.
Pregreening - creeping forward while waiting for a red light to change.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend.......who`s in with me?
Knock knock... whos there? Cows go... Cows go who, No, cows go moo
When your boss says "You need help", he never means a hitman.
If steroids are illegal for athletes shouldn`t photoshop be illegal for models?
I’ve never been a millionaire, but I know I’d be excellent at it.
On the plus side of 2017, the use of the words `awesomesauce` and `amazeballs` were at an all time low.
I find it quite ironic that the most dangerous thing about weed is getting caught with it.
So, All my exes live in Texas; Exactly, how does one go about scheduling a tornado ?