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The voices in my head tell me not to listen to the voices in my head, and now I don`t know who to listen to anymore
Would a transformer buy life insurance or car insurance?
Politicians and diapers should be changed regularly and for the same reason...
No officer, my speech isn`t slurred. I`m just talking in cursive.
A snail can sleep for up to 3 years. I didn`t know it was even possible to be this jealous.
It’s not a great nap, unless you wake up and can’t remember what day it is.
I remember my single days like it was 11 years, 1 month, and 12 days ago.
The day I understand females will be the day i`ll be officially known as Jesus
why waste your brain cells to think of a comment when you can just like someone else`s?
Facebook is not so bad once you block your family and friends.
Judging by the size of these chicken fingers, that chicken had to be somewhere between 7` to 10` tall.
I`m not feeling myself today..... Perhaps I should feel someone else.
We`ll be friends `til we`re old and senile ... Then we`ll be new friends.
I love facebook because it helps me remember what I did the night before when I blacked out.
If there`s one thing I learned from my wife, it`s don`t get married!