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Trying to figure out why I joined the gym when I have Photoshop.
If I rapped I would have to start doing way more stuff because only so many things rhyme with couch.
I`m looking for a girlfriend that likes me for my money, but is really bad at math...
In some ways I’m just like a dog…. I can’t be trusted around unsupervised food.
If you see someone wearing camouflage clothing, bump into them. It only takes a second of your time & it makes them feel like it works.
People say that 60 is the new 40. The cop who pulled me over didn`t agree.
Watching MTV Cribs makes me feel better about downloading music off the internet.
Before asking a hot chick out, I wish I could first talk to the dude who`s sick of her bullsh!t.
My car rides usually consist of playing my music on random, then pressing “next” about 400 times.
No matter how many lives you have in Candy Crush, you’ll still never get your own back.
This is how my week goes: Mooooooooooooonday Tuuuuuuuuuuuuesday Weeeeeeeeeeednesday Thuuuuuuuuuuursday FridaySaturdaySunday.
Depending on the boob, the Bra is either the best or worst invention ever.
When it gets nice out I`m going to have a roof party and after that`s done have a painting party inside, come all
They`ll find Bigfoot before they find a Smoothie store that`s been open for more than 2 years.
has a Massive drinking problem ... there is no alcohol in the house!