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Screw it, Iām starting Friday now.
It is days like today that I am glad that we all don`t live in a Yellow Submarine. Well at least not in the same one.
I really need a long road trip, top down, in the Jeep...with a cooler....loud music....and an extra cooler in case the first one isn`t enough
Do you want to know Victoria`s Secret? Their lingerie doesn`t look the same on your girlfriend as it does on their models..
Im pretty sure that my shrink this week mumbled "this is pure gold" under his breath
If you have a tattoo on your face, you`ve lost the right to ask me what I`m looking at.
Marriage is something you should pay for and divorce should be free. You might think twice before buying into it.
The cool thing about The Clapper is it doubles as a strobe light during s@x.
Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing & they live for 150 years. Lesson learned
The hay in baby Jesus`s manger came from Christian Bales.
your status deserves a standing ovation but I`m lazy I`ll just click `like`
In America, someone is shot every 15 seconds ... How is that person still alive?
A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up alongside him and say, "It`s okay, I think we lost him."
I was standing in front of the mirror eariler, admiring my six pack for hours. But it got really warm so I put it back in the fridge.
Women use sex to get stuff, men lose stuff because of sex.