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Whoever has my voodoo doll, please scratch between my butt cheeks..I`m in public.
You would never know I had a college degree if you saw how many times I tried to push when it says pull.
People who get offended on the internet are the same people that take mini golf seriously.
I know it’s “cool” to make fun of celebrities, but the Bieber jokes need to stop. That’s somebody’s daughter.
The only thing I hate worse than holding a girl`s purse is when it doesn`t match what I`m wearing.
One day I shall rule the World! Until then, I`m going to bed
? Taken ? Single ? So sexy that they’re all scared to go out with me.
dude i wasent tht drunk you were huging a peice of chese saying ill never let u go sponge bob
Trying to be a responsible adult is messing up my social life.
In life, you only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn`t move but should, use the WD-40. If it should not move and does, use the duct tape
I stopped watching the History Channel because it`s so outdated.
I only use the outdoors to get to another indoors.
"Wow! That butterfly`s gonna be HUGE!" - First person to find a mummy
B!tch, please! You`re so fake, even barbie is jealous of you
Relationship has 12 letters, but then again so does alcohollllll