Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I will write something profound ... subsoil!
Edward Scissorhands will never win a game of rock, paper, scissors.
I followed my heart...Now I`m at the liquor store.
Rough day! I have now completed the top 6 things off my to-do list ... Time to go get another six pack I guess.
You said you wanted my advice, but I see you haven’t f*cked off or died yet.
I found my first grey pubic hair today. Normally things like this don`t bother me, but it was in my Big Mac.
Chinese food to go: $16.84. Gas to go get it: $2.62. Getting home and realizing they forgot one of your containers: Riceless.
Is it just me or do mirrors look really sexy?
You got your chocolate in my peanut butter!
Warning: forgetting what pocket your keys are in may result in the Macarena.
They should open a bar and call it "The Gym" so I can be like those annoying people on Facebook who brag about going to the gym every day.
A procrastinator’s work is never done.
The longer I sit in this drive-thru, the more pennies I’m going to pay with.
If your girlfriends cat gets eaten by an angry pitbul terrier, gently singing "The circle of life" into her ear WILL NOT cheer her up.
We could learn a lot from bees. Organization, productivity, community sacrifice, stinging people who annoy us.......