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It`s okay, Web MD. I don`t really know what`s wrong with me either.
Hell hath no fury like me when Iām slightly inconvenienced and hungry.
Alcohol goes in, truth comes out.
My death bed confession is going to be epic!
Don`t run with scissors -- unless you`re stealing scissors, of course. If so, run. Run like the wind scissor thief!
I suspect my gravestone will have a pretty serious urine discoloration not long after I`m gone.
Light travels faster than sound. That`s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Without the sanctity of marriage there wouldn`t be job security for divorce attorneys and marriage counselors.
Dear God, thank you for all the animals, and plants, and insects, but were spiders really necessary?
Hiding the bank statement from your husband is the adult version of hiding your report card from your parents.
How can I trust you when you keep running away every time I untie you?
My goal in life: Build a time machine and travel forward into the future until I can stop and ask someone "Do you know what `buffering` is?" and they are clueless.
My biggest fear is that there is no PMS and this is my personality.
ATM`s need to have breathalyzers.
To my neighbor using a chainsaw at 7:30 on a Sunday morning: Try holding the other end.