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To all the waiters out there: we don`t get impressed when you try to memorize our orders, we just get nervous.
Your life must really suck when no one even likes the catfish version of you.
therapy is expensive...vodka is not. need I say more....
I just saw a giant spider in my room so I sprayed it with hairspray. It`s not dead, but its hair looks fabulous.
If you could have all of Bill Gates` money or world peace, what colour would your Lamborghini be?
If ignorance really was bliss we`d have a lot more really happy people around here.
On the Internet you can be anything you want ... It`s strange that so many people choose to be stupid.
"Everything else tastes like us. Why do we need to die?" -chickens
Ghetto wet floor sign: Caution Bitches Be Trippin
When a guy says "I`m Fine" what he is really trying to say is that he is fine.
Do you ever look through old pictures and wonder, “Where the hell did that shirt go?”
Going to Target. See you in about two hundred bucks...
I worry about people who write "taken" in their bios. Where did they go? Who took them and why aren`t we helping to find them?
After socializing and being nice to people all day it`s nice to sit down, drink by myself, and be an a$$hole on the Internet.
24 astronauts were born in Ohio.....What is it about that state that makes people want to flee the Earth?