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I`ll never understand those people who say, "I mainly use facebook for my family." And I`m thinking to myself..."Umm...isn`t that what real life is for?"
Do you ever have the urge to tell someone to shut up even when they aren`t talking?
Mom: "Why is everything on the floor?" Me: "Gravity, Mom."
Sorry for whatever I said when I was hungry.
Maybe the cost of a barrel of oil wouldn’t be so expensive if Donkey Kong didn’t waste thousands of them in the `80s throwing them at Mario.
I still dunno why they say cats have 9 lives. My cat only eats & sleeps all day long. It has no life at all!
"I`m glad the weekends over" -Nobody ever
If pi is 3.14, then I think .99 is a good deal for 2 doughnuts.
We played a lot of "Keep The Balloon In The Air" as kids, a game known to most other people as being poor.
I swallowed an ice cube yesterday and I haven`t pooped it out yet ... Really scared now!
It’s not weird to talk to yourself, it’s just weird when someone else hears you talking to yourself.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 8 times,......Your probably a woman.
Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you`ll be really far away from me with your motivational nonsense.
wishes that more people would declare thumb wars these days. I`m sure that all this texting has prepared my thumb muscles for battle.
The older I get, the more I understand someone`s desire to just say-"F*ck it. I`m going to be drunk all the time & live under this bridge."