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Love putting on underwear fresh out of the dryer. They`er so warm and cozy, and it`s fun to scan the laundromat and guess whose they are.
The hardest part of the job interview is knowing the best moment to lean in for the kiss.
People who think I’m not a religious person should see me when the airplane starts to shake.
My boss told me to have a good day so I went home.
There are a few people I`d like to go to bed with but I can`t think of a single person I`d like to wake up with.
Nobody notices your pain, your happiness, your sadness, your state of mind. But everyone notices it when you fart in public
My daughter wanted a Cinderella themed birthday party, so I invited All of her Friends over and made them clean the house.
Last week a 13-year-old girl became the youngest female to climb Mount Everest. She didn’t mean to. She was just texting her friend and the next thing she knew she was on top of Mount Everest.
Why did the Fresh Prince have to take a cab anyways? How sh!tty was that family that no one would pick him up from the airport?
QVC has agreed to purchase the Home Shopping Network for around $2 Billion...OR just 100,250,627 easy payments of $19.95!
Why is there a show called "When animals attack"? It should be called "When stupid people go near dangerous animals."
If I could turn snarky sarcasm into a paying job, I could be employed for infinity.
Whenever a stranger asks our baby’s name, I always say he hasn’t told us yet.
Being handed a flyer is the offline version of a pop-up ad.
is wondering if the hokey pokey is really what it´s all about