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There’s a limit of how close you should be to another man when taking a selfie.
Behind every beautiful song is a person who really shouldn`t sing it out loud in public
Sorry I yelled "April Fool`s" while you were proposing to your girlfriend.
I may not be the richest guy...or the smartest guy...or the funniest guy...or the best-looking guy...or the .....:( Forget it, now I`m depressed.
Today is "National Take Your Flask To Work Day." ... I just made it up. Tell the others.
It’s like nobody ever considers the consequences of getting to know me.
i don`t know what to say on your comment so i just hit "like" so you won`t be upset that ignored you.
watching porn is like finding happiness in other enjoyment.....
You know you had a good night when you have to Google map yourself in the morning to find out where the hell you are.
I give great marriage advice if you want to be divorced.
Happy 4th of July ! ... It`s a holiday. You know what that means... Ten million status updates saying the exact same thing. Get ready.
Did you guys know that turning up the radio fixes almost all your car problems?! Crazy.
Ain`t no sunshine when she`s gone..... or sandwiches.... Ain`t no sandwiches either.
I`m starting a pay it backward campaign. When I get up to the drive through window I tell them that the car behind me is going to pay for it.
Apparently my "Please STFU" face bears a strong resemblance to my "Oh, Please Keep Talking" face.