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I’m trusting a whole lot of people not to randomly murder me throughout the day.
The term "I paid GOOD money for that!" is soo silly..Honestly, have you ever seen BAD money? NOT ME !!!
Plan B includes margaritas.
I don`t really work, I just kinda stand around and be awesome.
Before criticizing my taste, remember that I like you.
I`m not an alcoholic I just have a lot of things to celebrate.
Start each day with a positive thought like, "I can go back to bed in about 17 short hours."
It`s hard to feel sorry for people when they get what they deserve.
Whenever I see a happy couple.... smiling, giggling, feeding each other food, whispering sweet nothings, very much in love..... I just wish I could give them a lie-detector test.
"That looks interesting. I think I`ll eat it." - Sharks and Toddlers
You`re not the sharpest knife in my back.
So I turned my phone onto " airplane mode" and threw it up into the air. Worst transformer ever!
Dear Ninja Turtles, Why are you wearing masks? There are no other giant, mutated turtles. No one`s gonna mistake a different turtle for you.
With my luck, I`ll die and get reincarnated as myself.
Today’s Generation: “Omg my parents never let me have anything.” via iPhone.