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If you blow out the kid`s Birthday candles at enough parties, people will just stop inviting you to them.
If thought bubbles appeared above my head, I`d be screwed.
Lady: what Colour are my eyes? Man: 34D
NERD WEDDING: Instead of saying “I do.” They say “I accept the terms & conditions.”
is battling with eyelids
If I suddenly had the ability to teleport, I’d spend an entire day popping up naked in front of people and asking for John Connor.
likes to end all my phone calls with "Ok, I`ll see you later on at the party!" and then quickly hang up. Let them figure it out.
I should never have climbed into this vat of curdled milk. I`m in whey over my head.
Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
You post all of your drama on Facebook. Then get upset when people judge you? You must be a special kind of stupid.
There is 2 address we will always know by heart, 1: Our Own, and 2: P. Sherman 42 wallyby way Sydney!
That Awkward Moment when you’re being sarcastic and someone believes you.
roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at poems.. you have nice boobs
If you’ve been naughty… go to your room. If you want to be naughty… go to mine.
Sorry I drunk dialed you at 10am.