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Two days is not enough time for a weekend.
I wouldn’t have to manage my anger, if people could learn to manage their stupidity.
When God closes a door, it usually has my fingers in it.
I ate too much salad over the weekend so I`m going on an Oreo cleanse today.
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house...
I`ve never been skydiving, but I`ve zoomed in on Google Earth really, really fast.
This salad tastes like I`m about done with my New Year`s Resolution.
The hardest part about being an adult is trying to hide how you`re still a child.
I have a fear of elevators, but I have an even greater fear of exercise.
My doctor said I’m healthy enough for sex, just not attractive enough.
1. OMG will this ever end? 2. OMG will this ever end? 3. OMG will this ever end? - top 3 things on my mind when I`m in a conversation
I live like I type, fast and with lots of mistakes!
Sorry a remote fell out when you took off my bra
"Sarcasm is a body`s natural defense against stupid."
What`s the hold up on making extremely heavy shoes for toddlers so they can`t run around so much?