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Note to self: It`s time to grow up, be responsible, and act like an adult. Self to Note: Shut the f*ck up.
I believe in karma that means I can do bad things to people I don’t like and assume they deserved it.
I`m an adult. I can eat a cupcake for breakfast & call it a muffin if I want
If you`ve ever watched a butcher wrap pork chops, you`ve seen me wrapping Christmas presents.
You`ve never been truly drunk until you`ve had to use a barstool as a walker to get home.
Law and Order is just Blue`s Clues for adults.
I got the girl to hysterically laugh today just by asking her out for a date.
My mom just sent me a friend request on Facebook! Finally I can use that "I`m not your friend I`m your mother" speech to my advantage.
Goodnight, good people - and nite nite to the naughty ones too!
I`m a little ticked off, I checked a book about surgery out of the library and when I opened it up I found that someone had taken the appendix out
They`re teaching kids that abstinence is 100% more effective in preventing pregnancy than birth control, try telling that one to Jesus`s mother!
Never change. Unless you’re an a$$hole. Then you should probably change a little.
Sorry I hung up on you, I didn`t mean to answer the call.
I can`t figure out why everyone calls me a smart-ass. Is it because I`m smart and have a great ass?