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My ex is living proof as to how stupid I can be.
You women may be surprised to learn that making us sleep on the couch isn`t that bad. It`s kinda manly, makes us feel like we are camping......with a really angry bear nearby.
The average fight between men lasts 3 minutes. The average fight between women lasts 17 years.
I try to avoid things that make me fat, like scales, mirrors, and photographs.
Even though I`m a guy I still get nervous when I pee on a pregnancy test.
So impolite of people to sneak up on you while you’re talking sh!t about them.
Good news: I finally got my computer connected to the wireless printer. Bad news: not sure which house I need to go to get my documents.
Note to Self: Wearing headphones do not make my farts silent.
Took the ice from my ice bucket challenge and put it in my whisky.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else...
I say if you can`t come up with anything nice to say then post it on Facebook.
I don`t know why it`s necessary to get a glass dirty, when wine tastes perfectly fine straight out of the bottle.
Its so cold outside I might even post about it on Facebook
The reason I don`t play Scrabble online, is that I can`t throw the tiles at the person who beats me.
Every wanna answer every question with a middle finger? That`s kinda where I am today.