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I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I really need a long road trip, top down, in the Jeep...with a cooler....loud music....and an extra cooler in case the first one isn`t enough
Lots of people waiting in lines today. Did a new iPhone just come out?
You see I, I´ve raise a toast to all of us. Who are breakin´ our backs everyday. If wantin´ the good life is such a crime. Lord, then put me away, yeah, here´s to you
I hate it when the movie trailer is better than the movie itself.
The neighbor`s cat seems to think my flower bed is his litter box. I`ll fix that furry little bugger. I mixed 44 packages of pop rocks into the soil. And now we wait....
Alcohol and calculus don’t mix… Don’t drink and derive!
stupidity is a privelege entitled to everyone but you my dear are abusing this right
I just saved a ton of $ on Christmas presents by discussing politics on FB.
Why is it called cat nip and not meowjuana?
I`ve had such a bad week First my girlfriend got run over by a bus, then I lost my job.. ..as a bus driver
10 years ago Facebook came in to our lives forever changing our ability to judge each other from our couches.
DIET TIP: don’t eat chips right out of the bag. Get out just enough to eat until the pizza guy gets there.
I think my mailman is stealing my Nigerian lottery checks.
Politeness has become so rare, that some people mistake it for flirting.