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Lets face it we have all tried to get something done before the microwave timer goes off.
I asked my kid “do you know why we have a Thanksgiving holiday?” He said, “Sure! It’s so we know when to start Christmas shopping!”
After years of commercials, I still have no idea what a Go Daddy is
I just lifted a couch to retrieve a Skittle that fell underneath it, so I get you Moms that lift cars to rescue children, I get you.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
As a man I am so thankful I don`t have to give birth. I could never go nine months without drinking.
Sleeping is so difficult when you have a world awake in your phone.
What is the difference between a Snow-man & a Snow-lady? Snowballs!
There are two ways to go about arguing with a woman and neither one works.
Taking a nap is always so risky like when will I wake up... In 30 minutes? in 3 hours? in 9 years?? no one can be sure
No way I’m the only one who crosses their fingers, closes their eyes & holds their breath when checking their account balance.
I hope this snowstorm doesn`t impact my schedule of aimlessly wasting my day online.....
There are two types of people...don`t worry you are not one of them.
Did we try giving the government a snickers?
There is no such thing as something looking "Too good to eat"