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Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?
Monday comes saturday ends and somewhere in between i realized i slept the weekend away....):
It was hard getting over my addiction to the Hokey Pokey, but I’ve turned myself around.
That awkward moment when the mosquito is more interested in persistently banging it`s head against the windshield of your vehicle in an attempt to escape your presence than it is in trying to bite you. #feelingunattractive
I only drink on two occasions; when its my birthday and when its not.
I saw the city workers putting up a sign on my street and it says Bumpy road ... so I put up a sign that says ,, FIX IT !
I`m not "rich" ... But, actually, it depends on how you define wealth. If you`re talking about money, relationships, or happiness, then no still
This silly farmers market doesn`t have any locally grown pizza.
Plot twist: WebMD says you`re just thirsty
are you free tomorrow ?! no I am f**king expensive !!
U.S.A.... where people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke
Hibernation should be a human thing too.
If I had spoken to my parents the way some children do now, I would not be here to share this status.
The only time that my wife screams my name in bed is when I fart in my sleep.
Today we salute Vodka~ruining family reunions and supporting hilarious `hold my drink` moments for 50 years...