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Your kid is running around the store screaming at the top of his lungs annoying everyone and I`m the a$$hole for tripping him?
"Grow a pear." - How to insult an apple tree.
On a scale of Doopers, you`re pretty Super.
Just remember, If we get caught you`re deaf and I don`t speak English.
Everyone can stop painting. We all have cameras that can take perfect pictures of everything.
I`m not crazy, I`m just special!!...No, wait...Maybe I am crazy. One second...I have to talk to myself about this, hold on...
Not quite feeling myself today. I`m going to see if booze helps...
The mind is like a parachute .... It doesn`t work if it isn`t open.
I`ll be posting telepathically today.. So if you think of something funny, that was me.
If Wyle E Coyote had enough cash to buy all that ACME stuff why didn’t he just buy dinner?
What does envelope 1 of 3 on my credit card bill mean?
Arguing with people in the comments section is like crack for me. I don`t do it.
How old do I have to be when I can start pulling in front of cars without looking?
Hard liquor because I don`t don`t have time or patience to sit around drinking 9 bottles of wine every day
If you want to keep a secret from me, write it down and send it to me as a Facebook event invitation.