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So if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the “Jags” and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the “Bucs,” what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
Spinning in circles to get dizzy as a child was my first attempt at getting high.
This rough sex would have been a lot better if I wasn`t alone.
I thought I was on the cash cab show! But turns out I was in a police car and cops hate trivia.
I always close my eyes when I kiss a woman. Experience tells me that if my eyes are open, I get a lot more pepper spray in them.
What`s the nutritional value of an entire tube of cherry Chapstick? Asking for my two year old.
Every boy band song should have a part where they realize they`re singing about the same girl & get mad at each other.
I was called sexist today. So..i said i think ur mistaken...its pronounced sexy! LOL
Here’s your social security card. It’s paper & has to last you forever. Don’t laminate it. Good luck! -The Government
I`ve been hiding from exercise ... I`m in the fitness protection program.
If you`re behind someone at the ATM late at night, let them know you`re not a threat by giving them a gentle kiss on their neck.
My buddy asked me the other night if he could crash on my couch. I had to explain to him that I`m married now and thats were I sleep...
my neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning , can you believe that 2:30am? Luckily for him I was still up playing my drums...
I am not retreating! I am advancing in a different direction!
Just spent a week building a time machine. That’s seven days of my life I’m going to get back.