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This woman is so impressed at my driving that she got next to me just to show me she’s not wearing a ring. Thanks hun, but wrong finger!
Googling ways to dispose of a body, mostly to freak out the douche behind me who keeps staring at my laptop screen
As I get older my tastes are changing, for instance I used to not like brussels sprouts but now I don`t like people.
For a guy who cant figure out how a remote works my dad sure has a lot of advice for Obama.
exactly how long is a cotton picking minute.
The ultimate home security system is having crappy stuff.
Don`t waste your time being difficult. Put forth a little more effort and be impossible.
The last time I saw something as ugly as your face I pinned a tail on it.
Yea...sure! I was hoping someone would come and stand uncomfortably close to me today
I would lose weight, but I hate losing..
Just think how cold and snowy it would be WITHOUT global warming!
If your friends tell you not to give in to peer pressure and you don`t: technically, you did
Adulthood is basically sadness and paying bills.
I wish real life had as many ejection seats as cartoons.
To avoid being eaten by zombies, go to Settings / Home Invasion Settings / Cannibalism / Brains, and then uncheck the "tasty" box.