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If I ran the country, things would be a lot better ... Well, for me anyway.
It’s all fun and games until they reply to your text with a phone call.
I hope you all have a prosperous New Year ... I may have to borrow money.
I once dated a girl with a parrot. The thing was crazy and never shut up! The parrot was cool though.
Thanks to the popularity of gifs, we are living in the golden age of silent films.
We should not have trusted anything Charlotte wrote in her web. She was consistently talking out of her ass.
I read in a book somewhere that we only use 12% of our brains....I wonder what the other half is for?
I told everybody at work that I`ve got 18 cats just to make sure none of them ever want to come over for anything.
I don`t care what the expiration date says, I have to smell it
The world is full of nice guys who want naughty girls who want bad boys who want nice girls who want nice guys.
I`m surrounded by sex addicts & alcoholics. So glad I found y`all.
Keep it up and I`ll make sure u end up on a milk carton.
These ‘energy saving` light-bulbs are bullsh!t. They take just as much effort to screw in as the ordinary ones.
If you think this week was a drag, wait till you see what happens next week!
Finding a needle in a haystack is quite easy if you just set the hay on fire.