Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
20 years from now, one of the hardest things our kids will be faced with is finding a screen name which is not already taken!
I want my next girl to be crazy but more "Lets have sex in public" crazy rather than "I throw hot coffee in your face" crazy.
Matchbooks exist just to be clues in detective movies.
Tomorrow the world shall be ours! Until then, good night my evil minions!!
I think I could be a farmer. Except for the dirt, waking up early, wearing overalls and planting crops. But I wouldn’t mind driving a tractor around.
I tried being modest once, as expected I was amazing at it.
Sometimes Google should just come back with an answer that says, `Trust me, you don`t want to know.`
Is snaxting a thing? Texting each other pics of your snacks? Cause I feel like I’d be pretty good at that.
I was being taught to use some machinery today, and I was quizzed as to the rules of it`s use. When asked what the first rule is I responded, "You do not talk about Fight Club."
If the Dollar Store ever starts selling alcohol....drinks are on me.
"Iowa man arrested after fight over peanut butter and jelly sandwiches" - I`m just gonna assume this is 1 of you guys
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
Getting another set of teeth would be much more useful at age 60 than age 6.
If you think your girlfriend has a great sense if humor, try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes.
Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention Morons!