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I may have just inadvertently accomplished something.
Dear shaving commercials, stop shaving hairless legs. If you want impress us, please shave a gorilla.
liked homework better when it was called coloring.
If I could have anything in the world it would be to have the same finger prints as my enemy
Being an adult is basically a "choose your own adventure" book, but every choice sounds terrible.
You really can`t say your laundry is done unless you are completely naked
If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and looks like a duck then it could be a dragon doing a duck impersonation.
A quiet man is a thinking man. A quiet woman is usually mad.
If you didn’t want me stopping by for cake, you shouldn`t have advertised your birthday with balloons & banner on your mailbox.
Why doesn`t, "I have a headache!" work for when I don`t want to mow the yard?
If you were a cookie, you’d be a whoreo.
Silence is Golden, but telling some people to go f*ck themselves is PRICELESS...!
For just once in my life I want my phone to ring and for someone on the other end to ask if I`m on a `secure line`
The wife has been missing a week now, police said to prepare for the worst, so I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
I ordered an Asian hooker last night. She showed up 2 hours late. She loved me wrong time.