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I was driving to work this morning and saw a bumper sticker that said, "Jesus is the answer." A few minutes later I saw another bumper sticker that said, "Who farted?" That was the best game of Highway Jeopardy ever!
It was love at first sight...I should have looked twice.
I just leased a 2013 lamborghini, no payments till January. Those f@kin Mayans better be right.
How can you tell if a smurf has the blues?
Don`t invite me anywhere last minute. I enjoy doing nothing so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.
Standing up: Wow, I`m actually kind of skinny. Sitting down: Okay, maybe not..
I`ll bet Amish people look forward to Thanksgiving since it`s the only time their clothes look festive.
I`ve been catfishing my best friend for the last 3 weeks. He`s gunna pay me that $50 he owes me or I`m showing these emails to his wife.
Press 1 for someone who probably learned English last month, but is going to try and communicate effectively with you anyway.
SNAUGHLING: Laughing so hard you snort, then laugh because you snorted, then snort because you laughed.
Nothing says "I love you" like my cat aggressively bathing itself immediately after I pet her.
if your looking for love sorry to disappoint you im already in a relationship with fun and freedom. :-)
FUN FACT: If you take all of the marshmellows out of a box of Lucky Chrams, you`ll have a bag of Purina Cat Chow
I`m just like you ... Only smarter and better looking.
Yawning is the body`s way of saying `10% Battery Remaining`.