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A good husband is like a bra. He should be supportive and help support your burdens, but mostly he`s just there to touch your boobs.
I like to friend friends of friends then unfriend the first friend to freak out the friend of a friend.
They say the camera adds 10lbs. Stop eating cameras!
CAMPING TIP: If you get lost in the woods, a compass can help you get lost more North.
Shopping for bridesmaid dresses with 5 other women, today. If you never hear from me again, I committed suicide by nail file.
The "best part of waking up" doesn`t even make sense.
I totally understand how batteries feel because I`m never included in things either
Iām simply on reserve for the one who deserves
I wish I could just cut out the middleman and have the light honk when it turns green.
A fun thing to do when leaving the Zoo, is too start frantically running and yelling "OMG they`ve all escaped!"
You`re the reason I wake up everyday. Just kidding I have a job.
I always learn from the mistake of others who take my advice.
I wish I had Dora`s mom and dad, they let that girl go everywhere.
Ugh, I forgot to go to the gym today. That`s 9 years in a row now...
My friend bought some new floral underwear today. I asked her why she bought `floral` underwear to which she replied "its in memory of all the faces that have been buried there".