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I FINALLY "friended" my girlfriend on Facebook.. You know.. So I could get updates on our relationship status.. :|
I need coffee in my life more than I need most people.
I don`t necessarily enjoy being the bad influence...but hey, somebody has to do it!
Corduroy pillows?... They`re making headlines!....
If your girlfriend claims to never look at your Facebook profile, change your status to "single" and wait 5 minutes.
Wow! it`s late.. I need to hit the sack........ Then go to bed.
The last time I got drunk I married Satan..I`m not doing either one again
I worry about the future because I know my friends that are teachers.
The only way I`m coming to your wedding is if you get Me a gift. You just found lifelong love, I think I deserve a blender more than you do.
Ice cream is clearly God`s way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.
It`s a humbling moment when you realize your dog or cat has actually trained you to do something.
For many people, "live and learn" is one task too many.
Boobs make me forget about all the bad things in the world.
Sometimes when you first meet someone you just know you want to spend the rest of your life ... Avoiding them
Keep your friends close and your unattractive enemies closer so you look better by comparison in pictures.