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There are no bad pictures. That`s just how your face looks sometimes.
If laziness was a sport, I would win first. Except I would have to send someone to except my medal.
Just used a full size twix bar to stir my coffee.
In today`s world, the key to success is to delete your Whatsapp account!
You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on again?
I`m putting more thought into my Halloween costume than into my job.
The older I get the more use I have for the phrase "bite me."
Why is the jolly Green giant so damn jolly
Ever look in a mirror wondering about the stranger staring back & then realize it`s your neighbor`s window and they`re calling the cops?
Note to Self: Wearing headphones do not make my farts silent.
A panda never pays his bills, because he eats shoots and leaves!!!
My participation in this meeting will be based solely on the snacks they provide.
Men wear the pants in the relationship but women control the zipper.
There should be reality show where 16 congressmen are forced to take jobs in the private sector.