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Sometimes it`s nice to know karma is still a feisty little b!tch.
I can still remember a time when I knew more than my phone
The 21st century. When deleting history is more important than making it.
169 is still a sex position, but with a creepy guy watching.
To all my friends who post Controversial, Obscene, Dirty, Offensive, and Derogatory posts, .. Keep that sh!t up. I like it....
Some people want to get in shape before they go to a gym. Which is the equivalent of losing weight so you can go on a diet
If you`re sick and tired of every Asshole on Facebook asking you to copy and paste stuff as your status, please copy and paste this as your status.
My stalker twisted his ankle, so now I have to walk slower for 2-3 weeks.
I`m not saying I`m bilingual but if you shout at me in German I`ll probably do whatever you want
Anybody wanna go halfsies on an orgasm?
Whenever I delete an App on my iPhone, The shaking icons make me feel like they`re all panicked over who`s getting deleted.
I once shot a man with a paintball gun just to watch him dye.
Dear person reading this, just want you to know that someone cares about you. It`s not me, but I`m sure someone does...
"It`s not about who`s right or wrong."~ The person that is wrong
Things that don`t kill bees: 1. Furniture polish 2. Febreeze 3. Butter 4. Screaming