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Before I lose my phone, end up naked, high, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Friday.
Shoutout to my parents for not wearing a condom and creating the most awesome person alive.
When you upload photos to Fb, i`d appreciate it if you tagged your hot friends ... It makes stalking them MUCH easier, thank you!
The early bird catches the worm. And the late bird catches one of the other trillion worms left. What`s your point?
We all have that one friend who always gives the best relationship advice , but is still single.
Why is it when you run into a spider web, you suddenly turn into a ninja?
its not the up`s and down`s that bring you down...its the jerks!!
Nothing says you are ugly like Facebook asking ``Are you sure you want to make this your profile picture?``
Maybe America will believe in global warming if we make it a Snapple Fact.
We`re all just nudists in disguise...
If you`re not the lead dog, the scenery never changes!
Happy 15th birthday google, 3 more years and you will be able to search for adult sites legally
Do athletic people not know about Netflix?
Scientists are saying that social media is making us less accepting and more aggressive. Whatever, a$$holes!
Some people should come with subtitles.