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Late to bed and early to rise, makes me really tired and pissed off.
I`m going to get one of those "My Family" stick figure decals for the back of my car. It`s going to be me, a bottle of whiskey, and a pizza.
My neighbors listen to some excellent music. Whether they like it or not.
Dancing in the 70`s: I have absolutely no idea what I am pointing at
If you can’t be an athlete, be an athletic supporter.
If you can`t remember my name, just say `donuts`.... I`ll turn around and look.
Never judge a girl`s boob size by their jacket.
Facebook is like my fridge… I know there is nothing there but I check it every 10 minutes anyways.
I just don`t understand why Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell car insurance.
I`m paying my taxes with a smile, but they wrote me back saying they want cash.
7 billion people on this planet and I can`t find one who doesn`t annoy the f*ck out of me.
R.I.P. 2013 (2013-2013)
People who argue on their cell phones in public should have to do it on speakerphone so the rest of us can get both sides.
A father is someone who carries pictures where his money used to be.
i just opened a fortune cookie and it started with the word unfortuneatly