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All I`m saying is if guys were meant to make them, they`d be call sandWIZARDS.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions Note to self...avoid good intentions at all costs.
Hey I just met you, and this is crazy. But add me on Facebook and I`ll stalk you (maybe)
Sex is like pizza, if you`re going to use bbq sauce you better know what the f*ck you`re doing
Imagine taking your girlfriend to your friends house for the 1st time, and her phone automatically connects to his password protected wifi.
If you are what you eat then where is this place that a ton of people are eating stupid?
My idea of getting lucky is having someone else do the laundry.
I never met a teenager driving a luxury car that I didn’t hate.
I am taking a shot for every “like” I get on this status. Then again, I’m taking shots whether you bastards like it or not.
My friends made fun of me for buying this flamethrower, but at least I don`t have to shovel snow this weekend.
Had a great time watching the family oriented PG rated Shrek with my grandson last night... until he asked why a Donkey would have sex with a Dragon.
I`m 84% less productive in a swivel chair.
An egg salad is really just a chicken salad that is really underdone.
I am convinced God only created six days and the devil added Monday.
You washed your hands? Be honest. Your hands washed each other, and you just watched like a sick freak.