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People reckon I´m too patronizing (that means I treat them as if they´re stupid).
Not sure how coffee got its own table in the living room, but kudos.
Saw my Ex with some guy at a bar last night... so I ordered a beer, took a few sips then gave her date the rest of my drink... Walked away.
“I promise”, “I am sorry”, and “I love you” all have eight letters, but then again, so does “bullshit”.
Happy Saturday… the day you can put as much booze into your coffee as you’d like to put in on Monday.
there are so many scams on the internet now...... Send me $19.95 an I`ll tell you how you can avoid them
"Wow, that Hungry Man TV dinner sure lives up to its name!" said no hungry man ever.
Stole a cart from this woman at Walmart today. I like to think of it as playing grand theft auto suburbs edition.
exercise........you mean extra fries
F*ck spiders. F*ck them and the way they move their legs, f*ck their ability to multiply by the million and f*ck their eight, beady little black eyes that offer unblinking, soulless glimpses of the blackest depths of hell itself.
I tried to login on my iPad. Turns out it was an etch-a-sketch and I don`t own an iPad. Also. I`m out of alcohol.
Technically, if you don`t cut the cake, it`s still just one slice.
Half a dozen: because “six” is way to long.
Wonders why we can`t just all get a Long....Island Iced Tea?!?
The only people without problems are in the cemetery.