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Where do homeless people find all these sharpies?
Restaurant Advertisement: We serve food as HOT as your neighbour’s wife; And beer as COLD as your own. :)
“Until death do us part” means we’re all single in heaven, right?
NERD WEDDING: Instead of saying “I do.” They say “I accept the terms & conditions.”
I tried stuff once. It was horrible.
Big shout-out to slugs! Those little guys are out there everyday, doing all the same stuff as snails but without helmets.
On the Internet you can be anything you want ... It`s strange that so many people choose to be stupid.
Before you judge me, know that I don`t give a crap. Ok, go ahead.
Saying I have a drinking problem is like saying Bruce Lee had a kung fu problem, it`s not a problem if you`re good at it.
I’m an organ donor, but I’m pretty sure all they’re going to use is my liver for “after” photos.
The lady next to me in the elevator told me to press One. That was the last thing I remembered
This one time, I got trapped inside a couch cushion fort for like 47 days cause I forgot to put a secret door on it.
FYI....just in case something happens.....The cashier at the liquor store down the street is my emergency contact person.
Microsoft Excel has got to be the worlds worst video game.
Home is where the alcohol is.