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There`s a difference between having a unique name and a common name that`s spelled wrong.
Hey, if anyone needs help raising their kids, come talk to me. I`ve been one for 30 some years now.
When you`re out & your cell battery is low: 1) lower screen brightness 2) turn off WiFi 3) crawl under table 4) weep softly til help arrives
Mario Bros. Plumbing ????? (69 Reviews) Hired them to clear my drain, stomped my turtle to death and ran off with my girlfriend.
My brain is about as well organized as the Walmart $5 dvd bin.
Boobs: Proof that men can pay attention to two things at once.
I thought she asked if I was interested in an orgy. Turns out she really said "4G." My apologies to the lady at the Verizon kiosk.
If your that person that makes microwave popcorn at work, nobody likes you.
Got tasered at speed dating again.
I hate lying to kids but my daughter asked me what twerking was and I told her it was when identical twins go to each others` jobs
The girls who don’t get a rose on The Bachelor should automatically get a cat.
Crazy is like diarrhea. You can only hold it in for so long.
Have you ever loved someone so much deep in your heart, you wanted to keep them hidden from the world and all to yourself? Well, apparently its called kidnapping.
Her profile said she was a stone cold freak. Turns out she was just a wrestling fan with bad capitalization skills. :(
I`ve always wondered is jellyfish are sad because there are no peanut butter fish.