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My resume is really just a list of all the things I never want to do again.
Perhaps Nicki Minaj just lost a series of bets.
Let`s talk about how fabulous u think I am.
Apparently, when asked by a Traffic Cop "Where you going in such a hurry?", "To your sister`s house!" is not considered respectful to a law enforcement official......
I think pet shops should give a free laser pointer with every Cat purchase.
Sometimes I take a bath because it’s hard to drink wine in the shower.
drink beer ?? save water
I know I`m an adult now, but I still hold out hope that money will fall out of every card I get.
The existence of the `snooze` button tells you everything you ever need to know about the human race.
I guess I`m somewhat of a big deal, I tell people about my accomplishments and they say "big Deal
When someone tells you they are getting a divorce, a high five is not the right answer. Or so I`ve been told, twice now.
My dentist said I grind at night. I was like, ok stalker.
Working on my 32 point plan to be more spontaneous. Any suggestions?
Somewhere the inventor of yoga pants is near death from all the high fives and non-stop free tequila shots he gets.
Internet Dating......The Odds are good but the Goods are odd