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A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
If you`ve ever watched a butcher wrap pork chops, you`ve seen me wrapping Christmas presents.
Apparently, you can only say "Look at you! You got so big!" to kids. Old girlfriends tend to get offended. Who knew?
I just drink until the sadness becomes hilarious.
Every now and then when I`m in a room alone I say out loud, "I know you`re listening". If I`m wrong, nobody knows. If I`m right, I just freaked the hell out of some guy.
How do they even grow boneless chicken`s?
I go both ways. I like hard AND soft tacos.
You know you`re poor when you sneak into Sam`s Club with some random family just to eat samples for lunch. Yay... Christmas
Iām not sure why, but to me Cheerios sound like the happiest of all circular shaped cereals.
You know when you`re exercising and feel like you could keep going and going? That`s happened to me, only with beer.
I always give my extra money to Charity. She is usually on the main stage around 11pm.
I`m just looking for a reason not to drink
I wish I could understand what women with big boobs are saying.
Before I lose my phone, end up naked, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Independence Day.
I`m fresh out of hopes and dreams. Can I interest any of you in despair and disappointment?