Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Pretending to tolerate other people is exhausting.
If you have to ask if it`s too early to drink wine...You`re an amateur and we can`t be friends.
Sometimes I like to play God and just ignore everyone when they talk to me.
Told my wife I wanted our kids every other weekend and she reminded me that we`re married & live together so I`d have to see them every day.
Going to: ? Paris ? New York ? London ? KITCHEN... I`m hungry
That message felt like a great idea until I hit send.
I`m sorry if I looked interested. You probably caught me fantasizing about bacon.
A quiet man is a thinking man. A quiet woman is usually mad.
Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
It’s pretty scary that before facebook… All these thoughts and stuff just stayed in peoples heads.
Don`t get excited girls. That bulge in my pants is just emergency Oreos.
Oops, just bought vodka instead of milk again
My New Years resolution is to stop procrastinating so much.
Basically anything you buy at the hardware store looks like you`re getting ready to take hostages.
Spoiler Alert: Ladies, if your guy friend gets you a teddy bear, it has a Camera in it.