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It`s not everyday you find a $50 bill in your pocket, I didn`t, but like I said it`s not everyday..
My brother took going to jail really badly. He refused food, drinks. He spat and swore at anyone who came near him and started throwing things everywhere. After that we NEVER played monopoly again.
They say love is in every corner... my life must be a f*cking circle!
I got a letter from my crush on Valentine`s Day. Well, technically it`s a restraining order but still....
Why does toilet paper need a commercial? Who is not buying this?
Sometimes I worry that eating pizza isn`t a real sport.
Whenever someone ends their status with "LOL" I know it`s a repost, cuz...who the hell laughs at their own statuses? LMAO!
I`ve just woken up, and it appears that Earth is temporarily safe from harm & currently doesn`t need my assistance, so I`m going back to bed.
4/20? More like 1/5. Stupid stoners forgot how to reduce their fractions.
Say what you want about the porn industry. But they are hard workers.
Actually officer, if you factor in the earth`s rotation, we were all speeding.
If you watched the story of my life backwards, you`d see an incredibly inspirational story about hair growth, weight loss, and vastly improved athletic ability.
If you want to take a bank teller out on a date, just ask her. Don`t slip her a note at the window. Trust me on this.
If you wake up with a chick and you dont know her name, take her to starbucks, they`ll write it on the cup.
Odd Fact: The names of characters in Inception are: Dom, Robert, Eames, Arthur, Mal and Saito. Note the first letters = DREAMS.