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Partying on my level requires years of training.
Nobody really owns tupperware. We are all just really borrowing it from one another.
Just think: right now, your body is cookin` up some poop.
If by sexy you mean me licking the donut icing off my fingers then yes I can be damn sexy.
Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding… that the other person is a complete idiot!
Well your honor, I thought handing her the curling iron while she was showering would get her ready faster.
What do sleeping and sex have in common? I`m not getting nearly enough of either.
"What doesn`t kill you makes you smaller." -Super Mario
Life was much easier when apples and blackberries were fruits&& not phones
Your gene pool should be drained, the area bleached & the ground burned & salted. But other than that you seem like a great person.
I like when google answers my stupid questions because it means I’m not the only one asking google stupid questions.
I wasn`t that drunk! "Bro, you went to the train station, smashed yourself against the wall, while yelling, Hogwarts here I come!"
It should be a rule that if you dress up like a red hair clown , you get a free happy meal at McDonalds .....I`ll pay this time , but I`m not happy ... !!
I dream about naps.
Ask not what your father can do for you, but what you can do for your father. Happy Fathers Day!