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As a man, EVERY month is `Breast Awareness Month` for me.
The worlds gonna end in 5 days & I don`t know what I`m gonna wear.
Yes, your opinion matters ... But not to me.
I hate when my camera rings, in the middle of a selfie.
Tire rotation? Nice try, mechanic! I rotated my tires like a thousand times on the drive over here.
I liked you until you started ignoring me and then I loved you. -Girls ---- Bfanch
I don`t care how much you like the soap. Never leave a public restroom smelling your fingers.
Who ever said technology will replace paper.....has obviously never tried wiping their a$$ with an IPAD.
If you respond to coworkers asking how your weekend was with turkey noises, they leave you alone.
It`s only October 3rd and I`ve already beaten the sh!t out of two motion activated skeletons at store entrances.
Every time I stop making bad decisions, I get more and more boring.
You’ve never truly lived until someone has posted a sign because of something you’ve done.
Hi there beautiful, can I drive you to drink?
My life is loosely based on a true story.
Whoever said paper beats rock is an idiot. Next time that happens, I`m gonna throw a rock at them while they hold up a sheet of paper.