Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I didn`t get a chance to do yoga this morning or any other morning of my life.
My brother took going to jail really badly. He refused food, drinks. He spat and swore at anyone who came near him and started throwing things everywhere. After that we NEVER played monopoly again.
Condom slogan: Wrap it in latex or she`ll get your paychecks.
If you knew what I considered to be my "best behavior" it`s doubtful you`d advise me to be "on it".
I don`t get it, no matter how many times I call `shotgun` the cops always put me in the backseat.
The worst part of being naked is not having pockets.
I think my credit card looks weird. Could you send me a picture of yours so I can compare?
The guy who named the "chimichanga" should be given more authority to name things.
Falling in love when lonely is a lot like shopping when hungry, you end up with a bunch of sh!t you don`t need.
Uses for the plastic ruler..... 5% to draw stright lines 95 % to hit people.
Like a good neighbor, stay over there
What`s wrong with having your mind in the gutter all the time?! If it weren`t for the gutter, my mind would be homeless!!!
I was going to give you a nasty look but I see you already have one!
They say money doesn`t bring you happiness.... I say....neither does being broke....
Me: I only smoke weed because of Cancer. Mom: You don`t have Cancer! Me: So it`s working...