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Racism, sexism and homophobia make no sense when there are so many perfectly good stupid people to hate.
Love putting on underwear fresh out of the dryer. They`er so warm and cozy, and it`s fun to scan the laundromat and guess whose they are.
Stay positive ladies, maybe he just didn`t hear you the first 100 times.
I`ve single handedly defeated my erection.
The key to any successful marriage is separate TVs.
The weekend is just a bittersweet memory.... I won`t cry because it`s over, I`ll smile because for a few miles they believed I was the real bus driver.
The good thing about "poking" on Facebook, no babies are created.
Come on snooze button, is 9 minutes all you have to offer...I need something in the 2-3 hour range.
I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. It was way too literal for me.
Sometimes I wrestle with my demons. Other times we just snuggle.
Why did the Fresh Prince have to take a cab anyways? How sh!tty was that family that no one would pick him up from the airport?
Porn is the one industry where segregating races, genders, sexual preference, is completely acceptable
I wake up everyday planning to be productive and then a voice in my head says “haha good one” and we laugh and laugh and take a nap.
wants to jump in a cab and yell "follow that car!"
Still have not used all the free hours from my AOL start up disk