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Women, if you want to strike a bit of fear into your man, just smile really big and ask him, "Notice anything different?"
Picking out the right Christmas tree is a science. Sneaking into your neighbor`s yard to cut it down is an art.
I ate cereal for dinner because I do what I want. I`m an adult. Oh did I say adult? I meant poor. It`s because I`m poor.
Stay positive ladies, maybe he just didn`t hear you the first 100 times.
If I had a time machine I`d set it to "back in the day", just to see what everyone is talking about.
I couldn`t help but notice that I would like to have sex with you more frequently!
Why would anybody put 99 bottles of beer up on a wall in the first place?
I just wanted to say thank you to all the people that have given me a reason to drink this Friday night.
In terms of procrastination, I`ve had a very productive day.
I was raised on the streets is more manly than saying I grew up watching Sesame Street.
I’m sorry I offended you with my common sense.
On the bright side, it’s Friday Eve Eve Eve.
I like to gaze up at the stars at night and think about how somewhere there is intelligent life that hates doing laundry as much as I do.
If tomatoes are classed as a fruit, then doesnt that mean that ketchup is technically a smoothie? ... hmmm
If you catch a homeless couple having sex is it rude to tell them to "get a room"?