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It`s not so much blowing my diet as preventing the fudgesicles from developing freezer burn.
I would like to say to all my 500+ facebook friends, that i love each and every one of you..except you number 371..your a real a@@hole!!
I will be posting telepathically today. So if you think of something funny, that was me.
I`m looking for a girlfriend that likes me for my money, but is really bad at math...
Life would be so much better if throughout the day we encountered randomly placed Piñatas
My friend told me he wants to be a secret agent. Based on that alone, I don`t think he`d be a good secret agent.
It’s funny how people get mad when you treat them the same way they treat you.
You might call it ‘whipped.’ I call it `guy who’s getting laid.’
I`ve spent the past four years looking for my ex-wife`s killer, but no one will do it.
Ummm,, Can we just admit we may have taken this anybody can grow up to be President thing a bit too far.
This may be the wine talking but help he’s drinking me, he’s drinking me.
So I met an Egyptian ... they walk just like us.
The odds of winning the lottery are 1 in 10 million. The odds of being the fastest sperm are 1 in 300 million. You`d think that with those odds, you`d win the lottery 30 times in your life.
Once again its friday I know its only been 7 days since the last one but feels like its been a week....
A roman walks into a bar. He holds up two fingers and says "Five beers please."