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If my computer desktop were an actual place, they would bring in blindfolded people to make a Febreeze commercial.
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When i quized him on it, he reckoned he could stop aaaany time . . . .
Admit it, you should be doing something else really important right now but your on Facebook again.
I want to give up coffee, but I`d hate to do that to my coworkers.
Work like you don`t have proof of citizenship, Love like you were on a reality TV show, and dance like you were being thrown 100 dollar bills at
When I see someone walking more than one dog I always think, "wow, that person must be really blind."
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you’re on.
Girlfriend said she felt she looked fat, tired, and ugly. Said she needed a compliment. I told her that her eyesight was nearly flawless.
Saying that your company has been in business since the 1800`s isn`t a selling point. Slavery existed then too...
Well that’s a wrap on another day where I act like I know what I’m doing
Women want a lot of things from one man. Conversely, men want one thing from a lot of women.
This status update contains many of the same words that appear on Pulitzer Prize winning novels.
People who argue on their cell phones in public should have to do it on speakerphone so the rest of us can get both sides.
Ever notice that no one ever has three cats? They either have one or two cats, then it jumps to 17.
Remembering to remember is always the first thing I forget.