Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You`ve reached the limitations of my medications.
If you look in the mirror and say "Taylor Swift" three times, she magically appears then breaks up with you. What do u know next? You`re a song!
Thinking about moving to Alabama just so I don’t have to scroll through all those other states when I sign up for websites.
I gave my boyfriend a glue stick instead of a Chapstick last weekend, and he`s still not talking to me!
You know those orange cones they put on the highway for you to knock down? I just beat my high score last night!
I almost got raped in jail last night. My family takes Monopoly very seriously.
Instructions for having an adventure: 1. Stand outside restaurant. 2. Wait for someone to ask if you`re the valet. 3. Say yes.
Nothing is more discouraging that unappreciated sarcasm.
When I was a kid, I really thought piranhas were going to be pretty much a daily concern.
If I have to stir it, it’s homemade.
I`ve just realised that I`ve got one of those cool body types that can eat whatever I want and get fat.
Pocketwatches were replaced by wristwatches, which became digitalwatches, which were replaced by mobile phones. Which we keep in our pockets
Hey sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come.
If you`re behind someone at an ATM at night, let them know you`re not a threat by gently kissing their neck.
When I was a boy, Mom would send me down to the corner store with $1 and I would get 5 bags of potatoes, 2 loaves of bread, 3 bottles of milk, some cheese and 6 eggs. You can`t do that now, to many damn security cameras!