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I got on-line to check the weather...That was 12 years ago.
Men are like dogs. We’re excited to see you and have no clue what you’re mad about.
Is it called NASCAR because that’s the way a hillbilly pronounces “nice car?”
when life gives you lemons; ask for tequila and salt
It is totAlly unnecessary to put a PM after 23:00.
There should be an "undo" button in an elevator for when you accidentally hit the wrong floor.
I think ugly people have children just to prove to everyone they had sex.
Hey all you parents who recently named your kid Jax, We get it you`re unoriginal and watch SOA ... Hold on my daughter Grey`s Anatomy is crying.
Have you ever had a fly or small bug land on your computer screen and your first reaction is to try and scare it with the cursor?
I like to walk around the house naked. Until the cops chase me back inside.
There’s nothing worse than getting $0.99 back in change.
I love the gym this time of year. The newbies make me look like a Victoria Secret model.
"Nothing there? Better bark at it." - my dog
Hey Lady!, I just deposited $43 dollars in THIS bank.. DON`T FROWN AT ME WHEN I TAKE 3 SUCKERS!
Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed balls till she died.