Daily Silly Status

Is it rude to throw breath mints in someones mouth while they`re talking?

I got kicked out of my Community Theater group when the director asked to see me limp. How was I to know he was talking about walking??

Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy

We all have that friend who acts innocent but understands all the dirty jokes.

I think every Taco Bell value meal should be called a "Number 2".

I really need a day inbetween Saturday an Sunday

I look forward to paying off all my debt so I can get back to just being broke.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did, not screaming for their lives like the passengers in the back of his truck

People ask me why I don`t have any tattoos and I respond with, would you put a bumper sticker on a Ferrari?

If horror movies have taught me anything, it`s lock up your butcher knives if your child addresses you as "mother" or "father."

I need to adjust the brightness settings for my future.

Why can`t life be as easy as I am?

Girls these days be like `I wanna get the Double Ristretto Venti Half-Soy Nonfat Decaf Organic Chocolate Brownie Iced Vanilla Double-Shot Gingerbread Frappuccino Extra Hot With Foam Whipped Cream Upside Down Double Blended, One Sweet`N Low and One Nutrasweet, and Ice tan look`

I`ve always wondered is jellyfish are sad because there are no peanut butter fish.

You can tell a lot about a woman by how she slices brownies. For example: if she throws the knife at you, you should pick up some Midol.