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I`m well on my way to getting absolutely nothing done today.
You can pretty much text anything as long as you put a happy face emoticon afterwards. You`re a slut :)
I was disappointed to learn that the Discovery Channel’s program “Deadliest Catch” wasn’t about first marriages.
You can`t fight Destiny. Because if you try to fight Destiny, then you have to fight the bouncers and the rest of the strippers too...
I chose the wrong fork in the road, took the road less travelled and got off the beaten path and now I don`t know where the hell I am.
Have you ever looked at someone and realized "WTF" is always what immediately comes to mind?
I`ve just realised that I`ve got one of those cool body types that can eat whatever I want and get fat.
Does anyone have plans to stare at their phones somewhere exciting this weekend?
I only get religious when scratching off lottery tickets.
I`m at the age where if someone says "Go big or go home," I`m usually fine with going home.
Being a Zombie doesn`t sound that bad. You don`t have a job and your entire day is spent looking for things to eat. Shit, I do that now.
come on people driving is just like coloring, just stay inside the lines.
Women forgive and forget but always make sure you don`t forget that they forgave you and forgot about it.
That time Homer`s arms were stuck in a vending machine until he realized he could just let go is basically what all of life is like
The moment you empty your vacuum cleaner is the moment you become a vacuum cleaner.