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My entire life is a “you had to be there” moment.
If you got up this morning and ran straight to fb i am 100% POSITIVE its because you missed me.
I heard lots of bongo noises coming from my loft last night. It sounded very Drum Attic.
I bet sex is great when I`m not the only one in the room.
Types of like on facebook: 1.Stalker like. 2.Crush like. 3.I wanna bang you like. 4.Agree like 5.Pity like.
Whoever says "you need two to tango" obviously hasn`t seen me drunk.
I work out by ordering a small drink at Burger King, then get up 100 times to refill it.
A lot of attractive people are like nice cars with the check engine light on.
People who don`t understand sarcasm are awesome.
I never mix business with pleasure, ......unless i call an escort.
I`m probably not going to get accepted into the optimist club.
Word for today: Dipshidiot
And today I learned to never ask a woman how she dye`s her roots black.
Whenever I fill out a job application with a box for "Race," I add a question mark and then write, "Anytime. Anywhere."
Rabbits jump & they live for 8 yrs. Dogs run & they live for 15 yrs. Turtles don`t do anything & they live for 150 years. LESSON LEARNED!