Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
What`s a burnt pizza, frozen beer & a pregnant girl have in common? There was a DUMBASS who didn`t take it out in time.
+ if you wish you could record your dreams.
when girls say bye .......... may be it means buy something for her.....
Own the day
I forgive and forget, because I have a good heart, and a terrible memory.
I don`t like selfish people. I saw this guy pushing like 50 carts at Wal-mart last night. Really? You think someone else might want one?
Long busy day, I need one of those hugs that turns into sex.
What if "I`m coming out with a new scent" was just a way for famous people to warn others that they were about to fart?
If it’s the thought that counts, then I should probably be in jail
I quit my job with the Dept of Corrections. That place was like a prison...
The only thing I drink from a shot glass nowdays is Maalox.
Why do people have to get ready for bed? I’m always ready for bed
If I had a nickel for every time I`ve misplaced my keys, there`d be a jarful of money I would also have to look for
People say 60 is the new 40 but the cop who just pulled me over doesn`t agree.
When I see somebody get on one knee tying their shoe in public I get in front of them, happy cry, and say “Oh my GOD, I will, YES-YESS!”