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"If you can`t handle me at my worst, then you don`t deserve me at my best" literally translates to "I`m a loud, sloppy drunk."
Maybe Oscar wouldn`t have been so grouchy if the people on Sesame Street cared about the fact that he`s homeless
Why do some people call it a "tuna-fish" sandwich? It`s not like anyone calls it a "chicken-bird" sandwich.
I don’t trust joggers, it’s a little too convenient that they are always the ones to discover dead bodies.
Pringles cans should have a twist mechanism like stick deodorant.
You make your own luck`.. a saying most popular with lucky f*ckers
sex is like a joke, some get it some don`t.....
Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship`s kitchen.
Good Morning: You, my friends are the reason I wake up every morning ? LOL JK, I have to pee.
Is Nudeism a religion?
The Gym is like Church. Everybody thinks that by going one hour, one day, they`ll erase what they did during the week.
No one thinks the screenshot of your text messages are as funny as you do. No one.
My car is equipped with the best anti-theft device. I call it "No air conditioning".
I only party on 2 occasions. 1. When it’s my birthday 2. When it’s not…
Conversation between Adam and Eve must have been difficult at times because they had nobody to talk about.