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Besides creating dinosaurs are mosquitos good for anything?
Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can´t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
condoms prevent minivans
If I could have sex with anyone, living or dead, I`d probably pick living.
When I get home the first thing I`m going to do is rip my wife`s panties off. Because they`re too small and the elastic is killing me.
When a girl tells you that she just had her period, you are officially in the friendzone.
I wish computer companies would design a keyboard with a removable crumb tray, kinda like my toaster.
I need a leaf blower, but for people.
I`ll make better mistakes tomorrow.
Shout out to people who are hard of hearing.
When my girlfriend texted me "I`m enjoying 5 guys in bed" I was quite surprised to arrive and find no hamburgers
I can`t relate to people who "forget to eat"
Jail is just the government`s way of sending you to your room.
Dear karma, I have a list of people you missed.
Hoping to get "till death do us part" reduced to a 15 year sentence and time served.