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I hate it when people need constant re-assurance. You know what I mean?
I lost a very close friend and drinking partner last week. He got his finger caught in a wedding ring.
Just ate a whole bag of chips, but it was “reduced fat” so basically it was like going to the gym.
That awkward moment when the majority of people think your status is stupid.
There`s a lot of perks being a single parent, for one no witnesses.
I have come to the conclusion that dryer lint is the cremated remains of all my missing socks.
My greatest fear is that PMS is fake and this is my real personality.
LSD makes users lose weight` That makes sense, it`s kinda hard to get to the fridge when there`s a dragon guarding it.
My kids constantly yell at me whenever I try take their pictures, and I tell `em: "You`re gonna need them in 20 years for your Throw Back Thursdays updates"..... whatever!!
Porn is a lot like yoga pants. Not everybody should be in them.
I plan on being up really late tonight making voodoo dolls for, well, never mind, you will know who you are soon enough.
It`s a lot easier to chuck a co-worker in the dumpster than it is to listen to his problems.
Smile. It makes people wonder what you´re up to.
If your online dating profile says "I don`t have sex on the first date" then that`s why you`re on a dating website.
Is it just me, or did anyone else wake up on the SEXY side of the bed this morning?