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I do all of my ironing in the dryer.
You don`t have to like me, I`m not a Facebook status.
My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying ~ don`t run into anyone you know.
Imagine how freaked out the first human must of been on the first sneeze.
Be friend with stupid people.., feel like genius all the time
The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
doesn`t mind that people start spreading rumors about me.. it’s when they spread the truth that I’m screwed ;)
I’m always frank with my sexual partners. Don’t want them knowing my real name.
When you msg me @ 9:30am w/ just "Morning," don`t be shocked when I wait till 12:00pm & respond w/ "Noon." Seriously, what did ya expect?
There is a 100% chance that I’ve called some of the most wonderful people in the world the most horrible things imaginable while in traffic.
Men also have feelings. For example, we can feel hungry.
Screw you recommended serving size. You don’t know me.
If I`ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it`s that everyone speaks English after they die.
I am as lazy as the guy who designed the Japanses Flag
Twinkle twinkle little star, I want to hit you with my car.