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My boss said we needed to find ways to save time and be more productive, so I just moved the coffee maker to my desk
A person who is bad at math should never take a calculated risk.
doesn`t mind that people start spreading rumors about me.. it’s when they spread the truth that I’m screwed ;)
Man what a day. I pulled my groin...for like 20 minutes.
"The Twilight Zone" makes me long for the days when you could smoke on a spaceship.
In my experience, the quickest way to escape Jury Duty? As they read out the charges, yell out, "Oh c`mon...even I`ve done THAT!"
Remember when teachers asked to lie quietly with your head on your desk? My boss has yet to be impressed with this skill.
I don`t care how old I am, if I go out to eat and there are crayons and paper place mats with puzzles...GAME ON!!
Keep it down kids!.. Daddy is trying to think of something stupid to say on the internet.
why do i feel like you are reading this
Why is it called “after dark” when it really is “after light”?
Don`t take nude pics. Problem solved.
A spider just tried to crawl across my hand and now how do you extract a fork from bone without causing more damage?
So apparently I`ve been Googling `Asian Prom` this whole time. I watched like seven videos before I realized they weren`t going to bang.
If you want to talk to me on the phone, I need at least three days notice.