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The sexiest fantasy in 50 Shades Of Grey is the bit where she gets a job in journalism without having to do years of unpaid work experience.
The IRS suggests filing early to reduce the chance that someone will steal your identity and file before you. Honestly, if somebody wants my identity so badly they`ll file my tax return for me, go crazy. You can mow my lawn while you`re at it, too.
No matter how loud you crank the bass, it`s still a minivan.
The only time I proof read is to see how much alcohol comes in a bottle.
Old enough to know better, young enough to take a dare...
I`m just going to start wearing a shirt to work that says "I`m good, thanks for asking."
Be nice to nerds. You`ll probably be working for them one day
What if , one day you randomly wake up and realize that you`re whole life was just a dream.
Relationship status: running out of films on Netflix.
Instead of `What`s on your mind?` Facebook should say `Just relax on the couch and tell me all about your problems. Don`t worry, nobody will know`..
There are two types of people...don`t worry you are not one of them.
Being alone with my thoughts can be quite boring unless alcohol is involved
My haters only have one advantage over me. They can kiss my a$$, I can`t.
You call it camping. I call it getting drunk with insects.
Alright, I give up! I`ve listened to the song like 50 times now, and I still don`t know what the fox is saying!