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I wish I had a dollar for every time I didn`t have a dollar.
I BRIEFLY had an urge to clean ... but that lasted only 5 minutes .. whew! That was close! Lol
I accidentally spilled spot remover on my dog and now he’s gone.
I enjoy shopping online because at least I don`t have to act all shocked when my credit card gets declined.
I know this will probably piss off a bunch of people I know, but what makes someone good at fishing?!? Seriously, all you did was wait longer.
If you are having anxiety over something you`ve said or done, just remember that 90% of the world only cares what you look like.
I applied for a government job today and accidentally sent the wrong resume. This early display of incompetence should work in my favor.
I have no problem giving credit when credit is due. It’s giving payment when payment is due that I seem to struggle with.
I’m giving up on the silent treatment. ...Going to start talking to myself again.
Ever have to poop and your abdominals start to relax just as you near the toilet, and then you notice that `Out of Order` sign or the empty toilet paper dispenser?
If my company really wanted us to move during a fire drill, they`d lose the alarm and just announce that there`s free food by the stairs.
In a new study women with large a$$es live longer………the men who tell them live distinctively shorter lives.
I may be too old to cut the mustard, but I can still cut the cheese.
Things that make you go Mmmmmmm - Duct Tape
Kids maybe a gift..... But I like playing with the box it came in.