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To be truthful,,, I have never unrolled a sleeping bag and been able to roll it back up any smaller than the size of a garage.
Some people might as well post ‘Wants Attention’ as their Facebook status.
My teen thought it`d be funny to post as me on Facebook. I laughed and laughed and changed the wi-fi password. Good times!
Only in America: We have a holiday devoted to gratitude & then less than 12 hrs later beat the sh!t out of each other for a $10 crockpot.
When I`m bored, I dress up as Waldo, walk up to strangers (in a crowded airport), and say "psssst... if ANYBODY asks......YOU ain`t seen me... capiche?"
For every action, there’s an equal and opposite reaction. Plus a social media overreaction.
Sometimes, you wonder what the hell the music video has to do with the song.
If adult diapers are called Depends, then baby diapers should be called Definitely!!
I`m going to stand outside, so if anyone asks I am outstanding.
My house is not messy. Those are just obstacles I`ve put in place for burglars.
The best part about being over 40 is we did most of our stupid stuff before the internet.
On the bright side, my coffee will never get cold in hell.
No man has ever won a game of `notice anything different about me?`
What I lack in vocabulary, I make up for in…you know...stuff...and...things...
That`s it!! I`m never drinking again until tomorrow.