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My level of sarcasm is to the point where I don`t even know if I`m kidding or not.
I got called pretty today! Well actually the full statement was "you`re pretty annoying!" But I only focus on positive things
I bet the "YMCA" dance is a lot harder to do in different languages
"Kids are great when you need help around the house." - People who don`t have kids
Success sleeps with u in private. Failure insults u in public ! Aa
You know those orange cones they put on the highway for you to knock down? I just beat my high score last night!
I`m not an alcoholic I just have a lot of things to celebrate.
Someone’s therapist knows all about you.
My Viagra addiction was the hardest time of my life.
If the cigarette tax is meant to discourage smoking, is the income tax meant to discourage working?
I believe in helping the homeless. That`s why every year I buy a new refrigerator and throw away the box.
Sometimes Google should just come back with an answer that says, `Trust me, you don`t want to know.`
Sometimes, when people are talking to me, I daydream about what they would do if I suddenly punched them in the face.
When I get to heaven, the first question I`m asking God is, why does my butt have more hair than my head?
My life is loosely based on a true story.