Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
People who go jogging, you realise we have cars now, right?
You hate me? I didn’t even know you existed.
For daylight savings, we should move the clocks forward an hour on Monday at 9 AM so that we lose an hour of work instead of sleep.
Whenever I pick my Grandma up from the airport, I leave my left blinker on during the entire drive so she feels more comfortable.
Whoever snuck the s in “fast food” is a clever person.
My bank called because they noticed ‘highly suspicious activity’ on my charge account. It was for a gym membership.
There’s always that last setting on your windshield wipers that makes you go “damn, calm the f*ck down!”
Just saw a cop that had a U-Haul pulled over on the side of the road. Obviously he was trying to bust a move.
Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you and your motivational crap is far away
Are you supposed to wear the fanny pack over the gut or underneath it? I don`t want to look like a dork.
Not so great minds also think alike.
People without kids: I`ll never yell at my kids ... People with kids: I DONT KNOW WHY SOMEONE SPIT THEIR GUM ON THE ROAD, JUST WALK!
Remember when you thought you’d have it all together by the time you were the age you are now? LOL
If I could time-travel, forget killing baby Hitler. I`d go back to use every come back I ever thought of 10 minutes too late.
The point of no return sounds like a fun vacation spot.