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Between Criminal Minds, CSI, Law and Order, Castle, and Monk...I am now fairly confident I can get away with pretty much anything.
I`m not Unemployed, I`m just taking my next job`s vacation in advance...
Would you like to donate $1 to this charity or leave the checkout line feeling like human scum?
You can correct people`s grammar or you can have friends. But you can`t do both.
I almost got raped in jail last night. My family takes Monopoly very seriously.
Do you know what’d look good on you? Me
You`d think he`d be better at this with all the porn he watches
Today is "find your active cavity at 50% off" day at your local store.
It´s Friday!! yea! Oh sorry, I was just practicing.
Hey micky you`re so fine, you`re so fine you blow my mind hey micky! hey micky! Admit it, you didnt read it, you sang it
The only exercise I`ve done this month is running out of money
At a wedding reception I recently attended someone said, "All the married men please stand next to the person who has made your life worth living." The bartender was nearly crushed to death.
Life is hard ... It`s harder if you`re stupid.
At any given time my wallet is worth more than its contents.
The nice thing about living in the southern states is that "He needed killing" is a valid legal defense here.