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They say you have real problems if you hear disembodied voices; fortunately all my imaginary friends have bodies.
I only drink alcohol because there aren`t enough ways to eat it.
It`s never your successful friends posting the inspirational quotes.
I`m not saying your opinion is stupid, I`m just saying you`re stupid for having it
ah... Crocs the 21st century version of the chastity belt
I dont know about you guys, but I am amazed Pringles is able to constantly grow the same shaped potato. Science.
If you love someone , let them go. If they dont come back, call them up later when your drunk and see wtf is going on.
"I don`t see color." - A person who shouldn`t eat snow.
was going to argue with you...but then I remembered I really didn`t care
I want to tell my coworker I have strong feelings for her, but I`m afraid things might get weird if she knows I hate her.
Why does McDonalds call it a drive thru when you have to drive AROUND the building?
Bored? Simply send a text to a random number saying "I`m pregnant"
Sometimes, when my husband has a day off, I like to bring the TV remote with me to work.
Women and children first because men deserve a little quiet time before the ship sinks.
When Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it’s “art” and “music”... but when I do it, I’m “wasted” and “have to leave Home Depot"