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I don`t regret burning bridges. I regret that some people weren`t on those bridges when I burned them.
That moment you realize that the person who proofread Hitler`s speeches was indeed a Grammar Nazi.
I don`t care if you`re here to murder me - we take our shoes off in this house.
How come know-it-alls don`t know how annoying they are?
You can dress for success or undress for it. It depends on what type of work you want.
I don`t work that hard, I just make everything look way more difficulat than it is...
Nice try blocked number, but I don`t even answer my phone when I know who`s calling.
Twerking is the crocs of dancing.
I used to like my neighbors until they changed the password to their wi-fi :)
Sometimes I feel happy, but then the Oreos run out.
Ever notice how it`s never your successful friends posting inspirational quotes?
Nice tan, what`s your race? Carrot?
It`s only a matter of time until "Security cameras of Wal-Mart" become a hit reality show.
I don`t fear death... It happens to everyone. I just hope when I am dead and buried, I don`t vote Democrat.
I`m just amazed after all these years that we STILL haven`t seen Mario`s buttcrack.