Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I work up the courage to tell you I love you...the least you can do is introduce yourself to me dammit.
“I don’t watch tv” proudly says a person who spend 8 hours a day on the internet.
Whenever I’m bored I stop a stranger and ask “where am I?” and whatever they say I runaway screaming “Hahaha I’m a genius! I can teleport!”
Never do I feel as lazy and rude as when someone else in the room is vacuuming.
For once I`d like to see "It`s been a crappy year, mainly cause your were part of it"
Life is what you make it = 10% Shit happens = 90%
Not having any friends means I`m always the pretty one.
Have you guys seen the new documentary about white trash? I only saw the trailer.
I`m happy, but not "Oprah just told me to look under my chair" happy.
The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today. Pretty sure she’s going to get me something.
Not doing anything with my life is surprisingly time consuming.
I`m running out of reasons to call into work. Do you think "emergency circumcision" is a good excuse?
Just once, I want to see a pregnancy test commercial where the female is like, "Aww, f*ck..."
<-- Is my name! Isn`t it awesome!?
I`m at my most cardio when I am moving the treadmill into storage