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We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
Sent my ex a card that said, "Get better soon." He`s not ill, just really crappy in bed.
I got on-line to check the weather...That was 12 years ago.
If you think people are stupid, randomly post "Happy Birthday" wishes on peoples FB page and see how many others tell them happy birthday.
My wife said she wanted to feel special. So I gave her a helmet and some crayons. Perhaps I misunderstood her?
My girlfriend ended up with a broken nose today because she wouldn`t listen to me... I said,"You`re about to walk into a lamppost."
I have cat-like reflexes. If I hear a loud noise, I keep napping.
I`m having one of those days where my middle finger is answering every question!!!
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
What if dreams are just glimpses of alternate universes?
The problem with you is ... you exist.
Telling me to calm down is the easiest way to get me to tell you to go f*ck yourself.
Men wear the pants in the relationship but women control the zipper.
Moral compass? Is there an app for that?
Hey, chicks who have words tattooed on your tits... We didn`t come here to read.