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Dang girl,, Are you a Snickers bar? Because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly long lasting,, hold up,,,, are those nuts?
Today is the day I go back to the gym. Tomorrow is when I stop telling lies.
There is no such thing as a stupid question, but there are such things as stupid people who ask questions.
Don`t tell me I have to say "Happy Holidays" so nobody gets offended. I will "Merry Christmas" the sh!t out of you.
My life has a great cast, but I can’t figure out the plot.
I don`t have ADHD. I have ADOLS. Attention deficit..OH LOOK! Skittles!
When I`m happy, I drink and when I drink, I`m happy. Win/Win!!
I`m awesome...just ask me...!!!!
WHEW! I just had a near-work experience.
My brain contains a few things I should know and the rest is just song lyrics.
Uhm, excuse me waiter... I`d like to return my food. It only received 5 likes on Instagram.
Sometimes I just go on Facebook to see who has been dumped and who is pregnant.
Oh, a spider just landed on my desk... In other news,,, When startled, I can jump 5 feet in the air with just the power of my ass cheeks.
Taking a nap is always so risky like when will I wake up -- In 30 minutes? In 3 hours? In 9 years? No one can ever be sure.
Be safety conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents.