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Naps are tricky because you either wake up refreshed and relaxed or you have a headache, dry throat, and are unaware of what year you`re in.
Super Bowl Sunday, the one day of the year that DVR`s are used to watch commercials, instead of skip them!
All sex is safe sex if you keep your bright orange reflective vest on.
I don`t really understand why women are expected to be able to cook if they can give blowjobs.
The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents. The second half will be ruined by our children
I`ve found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock, people expect less of you.
I don’t necessarily enjoy being the bad influence…but hey, somebody has to do it!
Once again I`ve woken up without super powers. Sigh
My bucket list: 4 drumsticks, 2 thighs, 2 mashed potatoes with gravy, and 2 biscuits. Extra crispy.
75% of women in open relationships don`t actually know it yet.
I am not sure, but I think I just heard my cup of coffee say, "You are my b*tch"
I do my best proofreading after I hit send.
If a lesbian c*ckblocks another lesbian, is that considered a beaver dam?
I don`t mean to brag, but my posts are enjoyed by well over 20 people worldwide...
The older I get, the more I understand someone`s desire to just say-"F*ck it. I`m going to be drunk all the time & live under this bridge."