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I love the show Gotham....OBSESSED!!! But they constantly have the Twitter hashtag #gotham in the corner of the screen, and I`m always thinking..."No I don`t have ham! But I want ham." Sometimes I miss parts of the showing thinking about the fact that I don`t have ham..... Obviously I need to have ham on the menu every Monday night. #noidontgotham
Nothing says "I mean business" like bringing a shopping cart to the liquor store.
If you drink enough, your brain starts photo-shopping people.
In sign language, arthritis is a speech impediment.
Hurricane preparedness tip: 1. Buy several kegs of beer 2. Drink beer 3. Wait for flooding 4. Drop kegs in water 5. Float to safety....
I`m sorry I hurt your feelings. When I called you stupid, I really thought you already knew..
Is it too late to wrap myself up like a baby and drop myself off on a billionaire’s doorstep?
Here`s how I gained 27lbs of muscle in 5 weeks: Lying.
You are here: X
Just about the time I started to give a crap, my attitude became constipated......
I`m pretty sure country music singers are all just the same guy wearing different hats.
People who talk to themselves tend to be better lovers. Did you know that? Yes, I did know that. Thank you for asking.
Ferris Bueller did more in one day than I’ve done in my entire life.
I only get religious when scratching off lottery tickets.
Hoping to get "till death do us part" reduced to a 15 year sentence and time served.