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When I say "It`s a long story," it doesn`t mean it`s actually a long story. It means I just don`t want to tell you.
Finally did it. 25 inflatable mattresses later and I’ve finally turned my apartment into a bounce castle.
You might be addicted to Facebook if you read my post`s every day...
Just found a shopping list in this cart that said, "Beer, wine, crap like that", so apparently my soulmate is still out there.
I was in a taxi and the driver said "I love my job. I`m my own boss and nobody tells me what to do!" I said "That`s really great, now take a left here."
At this point in life, my greatest chance of having a threesome will be sex with a schizophrenic.
If all the worlds a stage and the men and women merely players, how come Justin Bieber gets all the airtime?
I once ran a Half Marathon. Well, I say that because it sounds better than saying I collapsed and almost died halfway through a Full Marathon.
just wanted to tell the weekend that I love you and I will be back, I will not let the weekdays take me away from you.
If tomatoes are a fruit, then ketchup is a smoothie.
I lost my mood ring today. Not sure how to feel about it
When a girl says "no," a guy hears it as "try again tomorrow."
My wife was so sick this morning that I had to carry her to the kitchen to make my breakfast.
I went around the block with my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.
Trying to master the art of eating a powdered donut without looking like I just left Charlie Sheen`s house.