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eBay sellers - just because you`ve dug your suit/dress out of the back of your wardrobe doesn`t make it vintage. #JustOldAndSmelly
“It would take too long to explain…” Translated: “I have no idea how it works.”
My wife wants to have more kids but I don`t want to have to learn anyone else`s name.
Hey Journey, I stopped believing. What now?
This year for Lent I`m giving up hanging out with all the people who gave up drinking for Lent.
Our phone falls, we panic... our friends fall, we laugh.
It`s all good and well until the fecal matter impacts the electric powered air current generation device.....
Whenever someone asks me to sign their cast, I always like to write: "Last warning, you have a week to get the rest of the money together."
In the beginning, God created Heaven and Earth. Everything else was made in China
is wondering why books on "how to make women happy" arent displayed in the fiction section
I wish I could select all my responsibilities and press delete.
If you`re feeling too good about yourself, go ask a 5 yr old to guess your age. That should even things out.
Four words that I never want to hear: There is no food
Ironman and Batman`s only super powers is being super rich and smart really makes Bill Gates a real disappointment.
Sometimes, when my husband has a day off, I like to bring the TV remote with me to work.