Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
So apparently the numbers on the toaster are minutes? I`ve thought for years it was degree of toasty-ness.
Don`t judge if you don`t know me. Unless you`re my bartender & you say "This guy looks like he needs another double vodka martini" then please do..
Either I need to up my dosage or my income.
Hmmmm, thats odd. . . .According to this height / weight chart. . . . I`m too short.
I`m selling my browser history on eBay before the government does.
I made a New Years Resolution to gain 20 lbs, so I can relish in the sense of accomplishment and success!
FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: “Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?”
I really would like to take a yoga class. But I really can`t trust my farts.
It`s called Wal-Mart because the Center for Disease Control was taken.
I have a fear of elevators, but I have an even greater fear of exercise.
eHarmony should be more like Amazon “customers who slept with Tina172 also slept with LuvinLife_83, TaintMisbehavin, and Cat_Lover03?.
I only get religious when scratching off lottery tickets.
Mister Rogers didn’t adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood.
Life is to short ... to waste time matching socks.
With my luck, I`ll die and get reincarnated as myself.