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Actually, The quickest way to fix that annoying noise in your car is ... Just open the door and push her out.
I would like to wish all of the groundhogs a very safe and happy Groundhogs Day.
Three decades of playing Tetris have apparently not improved our nation`s ability to stow overhead luggage.
Half the journey is knowing where you’re parked.
Sometimes when i`m following a recipe and it says to bake at 350 degrees, I will turn it up to 355 just to be a rebel.
Have you noticed that tire stores never hang big banners that say "Blowout Sale"?
Don`t ask me how my night was coz I don`t know. I was asleep.
I don`t have ADD. It`s just that everything is more interesting than what I have to get done.
Isn`t it ironic that crocodiles like water and people who wear Crocs are douchbags. Ok, maybe I don`t know what ironic means.
I hate it when I get too drunk and just kidding I never hate getting drunk!
Helpful Tip: Use a tortilla as a lap napkin so you can still eat all the food you spill
I saw a comedian one time who did nothing but make geography puns. talk abbottabad act.
NyQuil is great. I love the way it comes with it´s own shot glass
All units be on the lookout, suspect is armed with hunky shoulders, soft eyes and dreamboat hair. I don`t even remember what he did anymore.
People say I`m too patronising (that means I treat them as if they`re stupid).