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Just tried to pay for my McDonalds with a hug, it didn`t work. Don`t believe the rumors.
You can`t choose your family but you can choose a hitman.
A synonym is a word you use when you can`t remember how to spell the other word.
I don`t understand why people go to the gym all the time... everything there`s so heavy.
Nothing says "I`m behind on child support." like 26" spinning rims on an 86 Chevy Malibu.
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
Settle down joggers at red lights, settle down.
Heard Justin Bieber got arrested for drag racing. Sure it`s dangerous, but surely it isn`t against the law to run in high heels...
Make yourself indispensable at work by hiding everything.
Can anybody PLEASE tell me where you buy Common Sense?? I know several people that need some!!!
The more I drink the better my Idea`s seem to get.
I bet heroin addicts can open a Capri sun on the first try.
Celebrate Valentines Day responsibly, or you`ll be celebrating Thanksgiving in a maternity ward
I`ve always wondered is jellyfish are sad because there are no peanut butter fish.
Are you still bored? Head over to Walmart, take a box of condoms to the checkout clerk, and ask where the fitting room is.