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Doing it wrong is the only thing I do right.
Eventually, some poor astronaut is going to crash into all that Star Wars writing
Life is full of disappointments, I`ll just add you to the list.
Forgot to make resolutions? Just write out everything you did New Years Eve and at the beginning add the word "stop."
This dishwasher sucks. It`s already ruined three of my paper plates.
Has anybody tried unplugging Congress and then plugging it back in?
I`m such a thrill seeker, when I see a ‘Caution, Wet Floor’ sign, I walk faster...
I think "Don`t Kid Yourself" would be a great brand name for birth control pills....
I came home from the gym today staggering and sweating after pushing my body to the limit ... And all I did was sign up.
I wish I could select all my responsibilities and press delete.
Internet went down so I had to spend time with my family. They seem like good people.
If my cats have taught me anything, its how to ignore people.
When your Dr. says "I`ll need to Google that"..... it`s time to change Doctors
Building the city on rock and roll was probably the wrong move from an engineering perspective.
If people who shop at Walmart, “Save Money. Live Better.” Exactly how bad were these people living BEFORE Walmart?