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I tried to log in on my ipad. Turns out it was an Etch-a-Sketch and I don`t own an ipad. Also, I`m out of vodka.
Dear Graduates: Congratulations on making it through the easiest part of your life!
I know the voices aren`t real but they have some great ideas.
Where 5 minutes becomes 5 hours. Facebook.
Oh cool! ... I really do not care.
Q.Teacher: why do we drink water? A. Learner : Because we cant eat it!
9 year olds have a Blackberry, an iPad, a laptop, & a Facebook… When I was 9, I felt cool with my new markers.
I`m afraid of a world run by adults who were never spanked as kids and got trophies just for participating.
If you`re ever lost in the woods and have a compass, the compass can help you be lost more north.
To the dude I just saw driving a beat up Ford mini van with spare tire and dream catcher on mirror: that dream catchers not working dude!
Sorry I missed your call. I took too long to answer because I was dancing to the ringtone.
There is a gym called Anytime Fitness. I choose 2030.
I just googled Magnum condoms and I swear I could hear Siri laughing.
My wife is driving me to drink. I hope she remembers to pick me up when I’m done.
My favorite in-laws are the ones that don`t exist.