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Easter can be just as much fun as an adult as it was as a child. Just paint and hide beer cans instead of eggs.
The block button is just the adult version of sticking your fingers in your ears and repeating "I can`t hear you" over and over
It’s like these fools at the gym have never seen someone with roller skates on the treadmill before.
Sometimes I pretend to be normal. But it gets boring ... so I go back to being me. ;)
Thought for the day: Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine, into your brain, and that is where sh!tty ideas come from!
If I had a nickel for everytime I told myself I`d quit smoking, I could buy a lot more cigarettes
It`s all fun and games until you find out she`s a psychotic bitch...
You know it`s way past your bed time when the 1-800-dial-a-hoe commercials come on.
I don`t always get to drink free beer... But I just happen to know my neighbor went to the night shift, and I saw him filling his fridge today.
Obesity: When you buy a hula-hoop and it fits you.
Birds do it. Bees do it. Heck, even fleas do it. Let`s do it! Let`s live in a homeless man`s beard!
How long are Winnie the Pooh and Tigger going to ignore the fact there`s something seriously wrong with Eeyore
dreams of a better world... where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned
If I say "I don`t know, let me look", I`m really just spinning around in my chair a few times while you`re on hold.
The Bishop came to our church today, but I think he was an imposter. He never once moved diagonally.